I got a Journey shirt at wal-mart yestereday, lol. It was on sale too, I was pumped. I've been looking for a Journey shirt forever, at Hot Topic because some guy had an awesome one he told me he got from there, and online... but Hot Topic doesn't have them when I go in and everywhere else is $30+ bucks (hah, not worth it for a shirt). So I'm super excited to have one now :3
That is how excited I am, also... that is what it looks like when I go to bed with my hair wet and brush it out, lol.
I also got some new sleep shirts from old navy that I think look alright, my boobs are just a bit too big for the "cups" so I have to situate them.
Since I've been losing weight my neck has become one of my favorite features. Also, I've lost a bra size... I'm only a 40DD now instead of a 42DD, lol. As long as my boobs remain DDs even while my band size goes down, I don't mind... the day I'm told I'm going down to a D I will be sad. However, I'm determined to lose 30lbs by my next visit to St. Louis around late August.
I have gone on a major Spice Girls kick, I am so dorky, haha.
I don't even care, I friggin' love them.
Fuck yes.
Ginger especially, lol.
I want to have a big dorky Spice Girls party, just get me and my friends who I listened to Spice Girls with when we were twelve and rock out to them all night, wear dorky 90s inspired outfits and do dorky things. I don't care if alcohol is involved, I just want to bounce around singing to Spice Girls and forgetting everything that's stressing me out. After we've worn ourselves out on Spice Girls (or they have 'cause I can listen to it non-stop, haha) then we might move on to Aqua and equally dorky bands we listened to at that age.
Once I get my own place, two years-ish from now, at the rate I'm planning, then I'm totally going to throw a Spice party, lol. Even if I'm living in Missouri and Rob is the only person I can invite, haha. I will make it an annual event, too, oh yes... people will know to plan to visit me for my Spice party.
On a more serious note, I'm getting really sick and tired of guys only wanting me around in the hopes they can get sexual favors out of me. I have only slept with three guys, one of them was lucky because he was me trying to spite Rob for breaking up with me. The other two have been in relationships... I will never sleep with a guy outside of a relationship, unless raped... but I don't plan to be getting raped any time soon. I won't even sleep with Zach in the relationship most of the time, I really only want to commit to my relationship with Rob now, and from experience Rob is the only guy who I have enjoyed sleeping with... it comes down to more than skill, it just feels right... it feels good. We know what the other likes, there's no pressure, we're willing to try whatever the other wants and we can do something stupid and laugh it off, no judgement, no worrying we're not good enough for one another. I honestly wish I hadn't slept with anybody else, as it wasn't that good for me... and because I don't care for them I make no effort to please them... I'm not gonna lie, even if I care for somebody, if I'm sleeping with them to spare their feelings I'm not going to try.
I am not the type of girl to get drunk, in general. I am not the type of girl to hang out with somebody and get so horny I let go of my morals. Just because I have big tits and am laid back about having them touched doesn't mean I want you to. I am the type of girl to think guys are funny for being so drawn to my tits, for thinking it's funny how stupid they act in the presence of them, and seeing them stare. But I do get sick of hanging out with people who only want me around for my big boobs. I more enjoy seeing the control big boobs exerts than any sexual aspect... I talk about sex a lot, but I will turn it down with everyone but Rob because I really don't enjoy it otherwise.
And I'm getting tired of guys trying to guilt me for not liking them, that's no way to get me to like you. I want a challenge, hence why I stay with Rob and grow bored with Zach. It makes me want to hang out with people even less when it seems like they only want me around in the hopes they can seduce me, something even Zach does... although at least he has reason since I don't have the guts to break up with him and hurt his feelings... hence why he gets to do more to me than anybody but Rob...
Rob and I may have our issues right now, but we're working them out. There's nothing I want more than to get back to the girl I was, for the most part... the girl I was with improvements... I've got more confidence now, I like acting girly now, but I want to go back to the girl that was happy just sitting there cuddling and not feeling the need to talk and force intimacy but enjoy it. I want to get rid of the girl that expects Rob to know what I want even when I know that I'm fucking retarded for expecting it, and instead just flat out tell him what I want. I want to go back to the girl that didn't get mad over everything because of suppressed resentment and anger. I want to go back to the girl that loved Rob for who he was. Last night I was thinking how when I first saw him at the airport this time he was dressed all Indie looking... it scared me, even though I know he likes the style, because when I first met him he wore bowling shirts... and I hated them and bitched at him so he stopped. Seeing him looking completely different scared me, what if I'd changed him into a Rob that didn't like me anymore? I knew he wore the outfit to make me happy, but it scared me that he did that. I admitted it to him, and admitted I really don't hate the bowling shirts as much as I claim... I like them because they remind me of my dorky, lovable Rob... When he came to visit he made sure not to pack any bowling shirts that I would be embarrassed being seen in public with him in... And it's great he cared enough to, but I want him to be himself... even the dorky bits that I pretend to hate but grew on me because they make me think of the guy I fell in love with.
That is how excited I am, also... that is what it looks like when I go to bed with my hair wet and brush it out, lol.
I also got some new sleep shirts from old navy that I think look alright, my boobs are just a bit too big for the "cups" so I have to situate them.
Since I've been losing weight my neck has become one of my favorite features. Also, I've lost a bra size... I'm only a 40DD now instead of a 42DD, lol. As long as my boobs remain DDs even while my band size goes down, I don't mind... the day I'm told I'm going down to a D I will be sad. However, I'm determined to lose 30lbs by my next visit to St. Louis around late August.
I have gone on a major Spice Girls kick, I am so dorky, haha.
I don't even care, I friggin' love them.
Fuck yes.
Ginger especially, lol.
I want to have a big dorky Spice Girls party, just get me and my friends who I listened to Spice Girls with when we were twelve and rock out to them all night, wear dorky 90s inspired outfits and do dorky things. I don't care if alcohol is involved, I just want to bounce around singing to Spice Girls and forgetting everything that's stressing me out. After we've worn ourselves out on Spice Girls (or they have 'cause I can listen to it non-stop, haha) then we might move on to Aqua and equally dorky bands we listened to at that age.
Once I get my own place, two years-ish from now, at the rate I'm planning, then I'm totally going to throw a Spice party, lol. Even if I'm living in Missouri and Rob is the only person I can invite, haha. I will make it an annual event, too, oh yes... people will know to plan to visit me for my Spice party.
On a more serious note, I'm getting really sick and tired of guys only wanting me around in the hopes they can get sexual favors out of me. I have only slept with three guys, one of them was lucky because he was me trying to spite Rob for breaking up with me. The other two have been in relationships... I will never sleep with a guy outside of a relationship, unless raped... but I don't plan to be getting raped any time soon. I won't even sleep with Zach in the relationship most of the time, I really only want to commit to my relationship with Rob now, and from experience Rob is the only guy who I have enjoyed sleeping with... it comes down to more than skill, it just feels right... it feels good. We know what the other likes, there's no pressure, we're willing to try whatever the other wants and we can do something stupid and laugh it off, no judgement, no worrying we're not good enough for one another. I honestly wish I hadn't slept with anybody else, as it wasn't that good for me... and because I don't care for them I make no effort to please them... I'm not gonna lie, even if I care for somebody, if I'm sleeping with them to spare their feelings I'm not going to try.
I am not the type of girl to get drunk, in general. I am not the type of girl to hang out with somebody and get so horny I let go of my morals. Just because I have big tits and am laid back about having them touched doesn't mean I want you to. I am the type of girl to think guys are funny for being so drawn to my tits, for thinking it's funny how stupid they act in the presence of them, and seeing them stare. But I do get sick of hanging out with people who only want me around for my big boobs. I more enjoy seeing the control big boobs exerts than any sexual aspect... I talk about sex a lot, but I will turn it down with everyone but Rob because I really don't enjoy it otherwise.
And I'm getting tired of guys trying to guilt me for not liking them, that's no way to get me to like you. I want a challenge, hence why I stay with Rob and grow bored with Zach. It makes me want to hang out with people even less when it seems like they only want me around in the hopes they can seduce me, something even Zach does... although at least he has reason since I don't have the guts to break up with him and hurt his feelings... hence why he gets to do more to me than anybody but Rob...
Rob and I may have our issues right now, but we're working them out. There's nothing I want more than to get back to the girl I was, for the most part... the girl I was with improvements... I've got more confidence now, I like acting girly now, but I want to go back to the girl that was happy just sitting there cuddling and not feeling the need to talk and force intimacy but enjoy it. I want to get rid of the girl that expects Rob to know what I want even when I know that I'm fucking retarded for expecting it, and instead just flat out tell him what I want. I want to go back to the girl that didn't get mad over everything because of suppressed resentment and anger. I want to go back to the girl that loved Rob for who he was. Last night I was thinking how when I first saw him at the airport this time he was dressed all Indie looking... it scared me, even though I know he likes the style, because when I first met him he wore bowling shirts... and I hated them and bitched at him so he stopped. Seeing him looking completely different scared me, what if I'd changed him into a Rob that didn't like me anymore? I knew he wore the outfit to make me happy, but it scared me that he did that. I admitted it to him, and admitted I really don't hate the bowling shirts as much as I claim... I like them because they remind me of my dorky, lovable Rob... When he came to visit he made sure not to pack any bowling shirts that I would be embarrassed being seen in public with him in... And it's great he cared enough to, but I want him to be himself... even the dorky bits that I pretend to hate but grew on me because they make me think of the guy I fell in love with.