shimarisu

So, I'm trying so hard to save, and it's seeming like it's not working but I guess it really is. I managed to pay all my student loans on time, for once.

It's mostly 'cause I got the news that I owed car insurance in a month, and I'm like "My savings! plans!"

It made me very sad.

I'm trying to find a second job around here still, I'm hoping I hear back from the one place soon, otherwise I might give up and just focus on trying to move up there sooner, rather than wait 6 months.I think I can transfer from my current job up to a location in St. Louis, and if Rob and I find an apartment soon we'll be good.

I'm so nervous about it, and I don't really have anybody around here that I talk to very much that I'd feel comfortable talking about it with. I mentioned it to my mom, although I told her I thought Rob and I would be married which I don't think we will be now. We were going to get married partially to make our families happy, so it's ok, I guess... But it's kinda awkward to sit down with my mom and discuss it for various reasons, one being she's partially driving me to do it because I'm always afraid I'm going to be kicked out, and she's destroying our relationship. I invited a friend furniture shopping with me, even though all I planned to do was just look around and see prices because what furniture we do have is likely going to be given to us... but I figured we'll just keep planning for the next piece of furniture we want and buy that once we have the money for the one we really want... my mom decorates her house partially from garage sales, and if it's something I've always wanted for less at a garage sale I don't mind...but I don't want to be like her and clutter up our apartment...but my friend was like "How are you going to get it up there?" I was like "I don't know, I'm not going to buy anything, I'm just looking." But I don't think many people I know would do anything but be kinda negative, and I know it's because they care about me...but I really can't stay with my mom...and I'm too proud to stay with any of my friend's parents, even if they are like a second family... I'm just ready to get on with my life.

I could wait 3 years for Rob to be graduated, and maybe me be all comfy in my job and him having to move around trying to find a job... or I could move now and like I told him, no matter how shitty my job is, at least I could curl up in his arms when I got home, and it'd all be a little better than here.I'll keep my mom from being able to threaten to kick me out... and hopefully I'll find a job worth having up there. I'm considering going to school to be a cosmetologist and/or hairstylist... I really think it would be interesting, but I was always so determined to graduate from college and that I had to go to a normal college... and I'd still like to finish normal college...but Rob's grandma is a hairstylist and loves it...and she suggested it to me but I kinda blew it off because I'm nervous that I'll have gone to school for it and be no good at it, or not like it, or not be accepted to a school for it. I already don't do much with my own hair, but that's because it's so thick and hard for me to manage. But if I wanted to go to a school for that, I'm sure I could find one in St. Louis once I'd saved up some money for it... and if I wanted to go back to college, they have community colleges just like here in Alabama, and I'll likely get to the point of going back to a real college to finish about the time Rob is graduating.

I wish I could talk with Vinta more because I love her so much and she definately helps to keep me positive about it the few times we get to talk about it. I'll miss her tons when I move, but hopefully Rob and I will visit often.

I feel retarded and crazy for wanting to do this and planning to do this...but I know I'm probably doing a good thing by pushing myself out of the nest and forcing myself to fly.

But now I've rambled and not accomplished anything from this post I've really wanted to, so now it's off to bed so I can be at work early, again.