So in less than 24 hours I'll be in St. Louis visiting my boyfriend.
I wish I was more excited, but I'm not really. I was talking to Vinta, who is one of the most amazing people and I miss her and I wish I could see her before my trip, and I almost started crying when I was talking to her about it.
I wanted to go, but it's all this shit that's happened around it, I've considered cancelling the trip multiple times.
My manager died in a car accident a week or so ago, the memorial for him is the 19... I want to go to it but I'll be in MO so I can't.
Rob was supposed to visit me for my birthday so I could work a bit and drive us around and actually do stuff for my birthday, we had actually broken up when it was confirmed he couldn't come visit, it was only because I decided I needed a vacation that I planned to go up there and we got back together... of course, at the time I was expecting to spend 24/7 with him.
Then he finally got a job after months of looking for one, and I know I should be happy that he has a job...but why did it have to come at the worst possible time? And since he's the new guy the manager has said she won't give him more than Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays off--Tuesdays and Thursdays being when he's supposed to have classes once school starts for him so he was never supposed to work them... and he works 8 hour shifts (which I only work 6 hour shifts, so going in at midday doesn't take away the whole day for me). When we found out he got a job my mom asked me if I wanted to see about getting a refund but I talked myself out of it before I knew for sure most of my trip would be me sitting on my ass in his grandparents house watching movies I'm bringing from home.
Oh, and I was planning on staying at his dad's most of my trip because his grandfather is the only human being who has made me freak out so badly in under 3 hours. I was especially looking forward to staying there, I love his house... and I've missed having a dog around so I was looking forward to spoiling his dog and loving on his dog and all that... then his dad said he didn't want me staying there, and that he didn't remember Rob asking (which he did, he suspects his dad was too drunk to realize what he was asking). But Rob's sister keeps friends over all the time, I didn't break anything or do anything wrong last time I stayed over... his grandmother bought my food, his dad didn't have to do anything except grumble about me and Rob cuddling all the time and snicker when he walked in on us on the bed cuddling watching a movie, like he thought we were doing it. I'm convinced if I was a skinny little girl he'd let me, because Rob's dad is an asshole like that and he's told Rob to cheat on me and that he can do better... and I laugh at that because I'm better looking than a lot of skinny girls... especially the kind Rob could get. I didn't mind that, because that's how his dad is.... but now that I think his dad hates me Rob doesn't get why I feel bad that I won't get to see Rocky 'cause I don't want to go over to his house at all and possibly see his dad because I'm so hurt and upset about him saying I could stay and then not.
But now I'm staying at his grandparents the whole time, which means being paranoid that I'll upset his grandpa, us having to have somebody with us at all times so his grandpa won't freak out, getting no privacy and more than likely no sex... which I was looking forward to, but I imagine it's only when I'll be alone that would be a convinient time for us to do it.
And now thinking about it has made me about ready to cry again...
Next Thursday is my birthday, but it's going to be the lamest birthday ever... even though I do get to see Rob. And I had such high hopes for it....
On the bright side, today is my mom's birthday and I think/hope she's having a wonderful one.
I wish I was more excited, but I'm not really. I was talking to Vinta, who is one of the most amazing people and I miss her and I wish I could see her before my trip, and I almost started crying when I was talking to her about it.
I wanted to go, but it's all this shit that's happened around it, I've considered cancelling the trip multiple times.
My manager died in a car accident a week or so ago, the memorial for him is the 19... I want to go to it but I'll be in MO so I can't.
Rob was supposed to visit me for my birthday so I could work a bit and drive us around and actually do stuff for my birthday, we had actually broken up when it was confirmed he couldn't come visit, it was only because I decided I needed a vacation that I planned to go up there and we got back together... of course, at the time I was expecting to spend 24/7 with him.
Then he finally got a job after months of looking for one, and I know I should be happy that he has a job...but why did it have to come at the worst possible time? And since he's the new guy the manager has said she won't give him more than Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays off--Tuesdays and Thursdays being when he's supposed to have classes once school starts for him so he was never supposed to work them... and he works 8 hour shifts (which I only work 6 hour shifts, so going in at midday doesn't take away the whole day for me). When we found out he got a job my mom asked me if I wanted to see about getting a refund but I talked myself out of it before I knew for sure most of my trip would be me sitting on my ass in his grandparents house watching movies I'm bringing from home.
Oh, and I was planning on staying at his dad's most of my trip because his grandfather is the only human being who has made me freak out so badly in under 3 hours. I was especially looking forward to staying there, I love his house... and I've missed having a dog around so I was looking forward to spoiling his dog and loving on his dog and all that... then his dad said he didn't want me staying there, and that he didn't remember Rob asking (which he did, he suspects his dad was too drunk to realize what he was asking). But Rob's sister keeps friends over all the time, I didn't break anything or do anything wrong last time I stayed over... his grandmother bought my food, his dad didn't have to do anything except grumble about me and Rob cuddling all the time and snicker when he walked in on us on the bed cuddling watching a movie, like he thought we were doing it. I'm convinced if I was a skinny little girl he'd let me, because Rob's dad is an asshole like that and he's told Rob to cheat on me and that he can do better... and I laugh at that because I'm better looking than a lot of skinny girls... especially the kind Rob could get. I didn't mind that, because that's how his dad is.... but now that I think his dad hates me Rob doesn't get why I feel bad that I won't get to see Rocky 'cause I don't want to go over to his house at all and possibly see his dad because I'm so hurt and upset about him saying I could stay and then not.
But now I'm staying at his grandparents the whole time, which means being paranoid that I'll upset his grandpa, us having to have somebody with us at all times so his grandpa won't freak out, getting no privacy and more than likely no sex... which I was looking forward to, but I imagine it's only when I'll be alone that would be a convinient time for us to do it.
And now thinking about it has made me about ready to cry again...
Next Thursday is my birthday, but it's going to be the lamest birthday ever... even though I do get to see Rob. And I had such high hopes for it....
On the bright side, today is my mom's birthday and I think/hope she's having a wonderful one.
chaotica:
I know a comment on your blog more than likely isn't going to make you feel any better, but I do hope everything turns out OK for your trip, hun. I honestly do. 