shesnoangel

it was new years day. i woke up and realized, "this is it." the road reports said the highway to you were in moderate to poor shape. i didn't care. i was going to drive anywhere to see you.

i gripped the steering wheel so tight. the snow would blow and drift across the road and i'd find myself drifting in and out. daydreaming about finally holding you. all this time, all this waiting and all this daydreaming was finally going to materialize before my eyes.

and i remember standing there, not knowing what to do myself. not knowing what to do with how i felt. it was all so surreal. the incredible happiness and uncertainty that bursted throughout me was nothing i could describe in words.

then i saw you walking towards me from the distance. it felt like my feet were cemented to the ground. i just remember thinking to myself "remember this nicole. this is the happiest you're going to be." and seeing you in flesh and bone before my eyes took my breath away.

feeling your arms around me was like the safest warmest blanket in the entire cold world. looking into your eyes was like looking into the most beautiful ocean and only in that moment did i realize your eyes were green. how could i have ever not noticed that before?

how can i describe how i felt? like a million sunshine rays bursting down upon me. like god had delivered you to me. nothing could go wrong. this was it, you were the one. i could feel it in my heart. the way you smiled, the way you smelled and the way you looked into my eyes like the world was going to end.

i couldn't take it any longer and i had to kiss you. i had to feel your soft lips on mine. i'd been waiting for this intently for five whole months.

"you're so beautiful." i said. and you just smiled. and i kissed you again.

then we walked out to my car and i was going to put your luggage in the trunk. but you wouldn't let me, you pulled me near and in the cold january air you kissed me like no boy had ever kissed me before. my glasses fogged up and i was certain that's what heaven felt like. with you. with you. with you.

and as these tears fall on my desk, i realize that it's all gone. and you're gone. and i could never have you back because i know what's good for me. and it's not you.

but just give me that feeling back. please, i beg of you.

sometimes i feel like i'm falling apart.