Time to Turn Over a New Leaf?
"Crazy" is sometimes defined as doing the same thing and expecting different results. If this also describes your approach life, it may be time to turn over a new leaf. Do you need to grow and branch out? Like a strong trunk, your actions should support your personal goals. If they do not, it may be time to turn that leaf over again.
Have you ever found yourself stuck, trying to make a change, but being unsure where to start and instead finding yourself repeating the same old patterns...over and over and over again? We all have felt this in one area of our life or another. Instead of trying something else, we just keep trying the same thing sometimes with disastrous results.
Take a step back, look at what you have done in the past and what you continue to do, and then assess: What is working? What is not working? What obstacles have you come up against (usually repeatedly) in trying to reach your goals? If you make shifts in what you have been doing, you may find ways to negotiate those obstacles, and you will be able to identify a different solution to address your problem or concern. Generally, this can lead to significant positive change.
At some point, after making many steps forward and feeling better, inevitably, you may find that you have hit a "bump" in the road to your goals. At this point it is common to feel frustrated, angry, and oftentimes, hopeless. You may want to crawl back in your hole, back to your old way of doing things. And, you may want to "lick your wounds," feeling like you will never reach the goal you desire.
Although you may feel stuck, you actually are not stuck. You are at a bump, and although this bump feels bad, you actually may need to be at this "awful" place in order to move forward for good. However, to get past the "bump", you must approach this phase with some new strategies and understanding.
Although it is hard to believe, this "bump" is often part of the process of change (no one tells us that though, so it feels awful when its happening!). Often, after taking several great steps forward, we take one or two (and sometimes more) steps back. We have moved forward and we need to get comfortable in that new place. Whether it is out of fear, discomfort, or old uncomfortable beliefs trying to sabotage us (our unconscious mind does not like change change is scary!), we find ourselves feeling stuck, unsure how to keep going, uncertain how we will reach our goals.
Instead of getting caught up in feelings of frustration, helplessness, or hopelessness; and instead of beating yourself up for not making progress, consider this as an opportunity. Just like the beginning of a new year, this is an opportunity to look back at what's working and what's not, look ahead at where you want to go, and begin moving forward again, often with a new level of awareness and confidence.
Think about an area in your life where you are feeling stuck it may be in your relationships, your job, your weight, etc. Then, try the following steps and see if it helps you shift into the direction of your goals and dreams...
1) Recognize
It is absolutely critical that you recognize that you have simply hit a bump in the road. Just because you have hit this bump, does not mean you have to stay on this bump forever.
Although you feel stuck and are unsure of what to do, this "bump" may actually be a real sign that part of you is scared of the change that is really in your best interest. It also may be a sign that something you are doing is just not working and it's time to try something different. The "Bump" (just like any symptom) can serve as a wake-up call that our thoughts or our actions need to shift.
2) Re-Assess
Ask yourself: What is not working here? What do I keep trying, but just keep hitting a wall with? What do I know, in my gut, might be a different, more useful approach to this problem?
For example, lets say that your issue is that you are a compulsive liar. It is imperative that you be honest with yourself and others. If you have been living a lie, the anxiety and depression that is associated with those lies will impede your progress. You will ALWAYS live in fear of being exposed. Make a list of all persons you have harmed, and be willing to make amends to them all. Take responsibility for the harm you have done yourself and to others.
(This blog is dedicated to one such individual that continually blogs about "fresh starts" and "new beginnings"- but is forever impeded by not recognizing that until they clear the slate of their past lies and take responsibility for their own actions - they will never progress to where they would like to be. Sorry, but blaming all your problems on fictiitious "villians" is not going to solve your problems! Nor is "reinventing yourself for the umpteenth time. As long as you still carry about that old baggage - there will be no "fresh starts".)
3) Re-Focus
You must have a very clear picture of where you want to go in order to continue to move in that direction. Often, we have a vague idea of where we want to go and we certainly know we do not want to be where we are (struggling).
I encourage you to get a very clear picture of where you would like to be, how you would like to feel, what you would like to be doing, how you will be different... when you reach your goal. The clearer you are, the more you will continue to be able to move in that direction. Fuzzy goals lead to fuzzy outcomes.
Continue to take a personal inventory, and when you are wrong, promptly admit it.
4) Re-New
Forgive yourself for "screwing up;" move past what you "did not do" and stop punishing yourself. Remind yourself that this is part of the process and stop wasting useful energy on self-flagellation. It will only backfire. Instead, look toward your clear goal.
What is the next one small step you can take in that direction? Take that step. When you are ready, take another one. Remember that any endeavor, no matter how challenging it may seem, can only get completed if it is started.
"This journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Lao Tzu
"Crazy" is sometimes defined as doing the same thing and expecting different results. If this also describes your approach life, it may be time to turn over a new leaf. Do you need to grow and branch out? Like a strong trunk, your actions should support your personal goals. If they do not, it may be time to turn that leaf over again.
Have you ever found yourself stuck, trying to make a change, but being unsure where to start and instead finding yourself repeating the same old patterns...over and over and over again? We all have felt this in one area of our life or another. Instead of trying something else, we just keep trying the same thing sometimes with disastrous results.
Take a step back, look at what you have done in the past and what you continue to do, and then assess: What is working? What is not working? What obstacles have you come up against (usually repeatedly) in trying to reach your goals? If you make shifts in what you have been doing, you may find ways to negotiate those obstacles, and you will be able to identify a different solution to address your problem or concern. Generally, this can lead to significant positive change.
At some point, after making many steps forward and feeling better, inevitably, you may find that you have hit a "bump" in the road to your goals. At this point it is common to feel frustrated, angry, and oftentimes, hopeless. You may want to crawl back in your hole, back to your old way of doing things. And, you may want to "lick your wounds," feeling like you will never reach the goal you desire.
Although you may feel stuck, you actually are not stuck. You are at a bump, and although this bump feels bad, you actually may need to be at this "awful" place in order to move forward for good. However, to get past the "bump", you must approach this phase with some new strategies and understanding.
Although it is hard to believe, this "bump" is often part of the process of change (no one tells us that though, so it feels awful when its happening!). Often, after taking several great steps forward, we take one or two (and sometimes more) steps back. We have moved forward and we need to get comfortable in that new place. Whether it is out of fear, discomfort, or old uncomfortable beliefs trying to sabotage us (our unconscious mind does not like change change is scary!), we find ourselves feeling stuck, unsure how to keep going, uncertain how we will reach our goals.
Instead of getting caught up in feelings of frustration, helplessness, or hopelessness; and instead of beating yourself up for not making progress, consider this as an opportunity. Just like the beginning of a new year, this is an opportunity to look back at what's working and what's not, look ahead at where you want to go, and begin moving forward again, often with a new level of awareness and confidence.
Think about an area in your life where you are feeling stuck it may be in your relationships, your job, your weight, etc. Then, try the following steps and see if it helps you shift into the direction of your goals and dreams...
1) Recognize
It is absolutely critical that you recognize that you have simply hit a bump in the road. Just because you have hit this bump, does not mean you have to stay on this bump forever.
Although you feel stuck and are unsure of what to do, this "bump" may actually be a real sign that part of you is scared of the change that is really in your best interest. It also may be a sign that something you are doing is just not working and it's time to try something different. The "Bump" (just like any symptom) can serve as a wake-up call that our thoughts or our actions need to shift.
2) Re-Assess
Ask yourself: What is not working here? What do I keep trying, but just keep hitting a wall with? What do I know, in my gut, might be a different, more useful approach to this problem?
For example, lets say that your issue is that you are a compulsive liar. It is imperative that you be honest with yourself and others. If you have been living a lie, the anxiety and depression that is associated with those lies will impede your progress. You will ALWAYS live in fear of being exposed. Make a list of all persons you have harmed, and be willing to make amends to them all. Take responsibility for the harm you have done yourself and to others.
(This blog is dedicated to one such individual that continually blogs about "fresh starts" and "new beginnings"- but is forever impeded by not recognizing that until they clear the slate of their past lies and take responsibility for their own actions - they will never progress to where they would like to be. Sorry, but blaming all your problems on fictiitious "villians" is not going to solve your problems! Nor is "reinventing yourself for the umpteenth time. As long as you still carry about that old baggage - there will be no "fresh starts".)
3) Re-Focus
You must have a very clear picture of where you want to go in order to continue to move in that direction. Often, we have a vague idea of where we want to go and we certainly know we do not want to be where we are (struggling).
I encourage you to get a very clear picture of where you would like to be, how you would like to feel, what you would like to be doing, how you will be different... when you reach your goal. The clearer you are, the more you will continue to be able to move in that direction. Fuzzy goals lead to fuzzy outcomes.
Continue to take a personal inventory, and when you are wrong, promptly admit it.
4) Re-New
Forgive yourself for "screwing up;" move past what you "did not do" and stop punishing yourself. Remind yourself that this is part of the process and stop wasting useful energy on self-flagellation. It will only backfire. Instead, look toward your clear goal.
What is the next one small step you can take in that direction? Take that step. When you are ready, take another one. Remember that any endeavor, no matter how challenging it may seem, can only get completed if it is started.
"This journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Lao Tzu
cmjfoxfyre:
Thanks for the reminders!