Commandment #2: Act as I Would Feel.
Everyone from contemporary scientists to ancient philosophers to religious leaders agrees: a KEY to happiness is having close relationships with other people. As Bertrand Russell pointed out, "To like many people spontaneously and without effort is perhaps the greatest of all sources of personal happiness."
But what if you're having trouble liking other people? Sometimes, when I meet people, I feel distracted, wary, or self-absorbed, instead of friendly.
Research shows that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. As a result, one of my Commandments is "Act as I would feel". And as improbable as it may sound, it really works. Try it. If you don't like the way you're feeling," act as you'd like to feel", and your feelings will change. Like magic!
William James sums up the phenomenon nicely: "Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not."
So if you want to have warmer relationships with people, act more warmly.
I had a friend, who everyone loved from the moment that they met her. She was always invariably warm and generous in her attitude. She could size up anyone and find something about that person that she admired. So, whenever I meet someone, I try to find something about that person that I find emotionally attractive. It makes my tone and attitude warmer. My smile is sincere. I honestly feel more friendly. I also smile when talking on the phone. It makes a real difference in the tone of my voice.
Not only does this strategy make me feel more friendly to that person, it also makes that person feel more friendly in return. That's because we tend to like people who like us. In a nutshell: by acting friendly, we make ourselves feel more friendly, and as a consequence, others respond in a friendly way.
Remember the saying, "If you want to make a friend, be a friend"? It takes time, energy, faithfulness and selflessness...Yes, it needs all these things....It's not something in the passing, not come and go....
Everyone from contemporary scientists to ancient philosophers to religious leaders agrees: a KEY to happiness is having close relationships with other people. As Bertrand Russell pointed out, "To like many people spontaneously and without effort is perhaps the greatest of all sources of personal happiness."
But what if you're having trouble liking other people? Sometimes, when I meet people, I feel distracted, wary, or self-absorbed, instead of friendly.
Research shows that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act. As a result, one of my Commandments is "Act as I would feel". And as improbable as it may sound, it really works. Try it. If you don't like the way you're feeling," act as you'd like to feel", and your feelings will change. Like magic!
William James sums up the phenomenon nicely: "Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not."
So if you want to have warmer relationships with people, act more warmly.
I had a friend, who everyone loved from the moment that they met her. She was always invariably warm and generous in her attitude. She could size up anyone and find something about that person that she admired. So, whenever I meet someone, I try to find something about that person that I find emotionally attractive. It makes my tone and attitude warmer. My smile is sincere. I honestly feel more friendly. I also smile when talking on the phone. It makes a real difference in the tone of my voice.
Not only does this strategy make me feel more friendly to that person, it also makes that person feel more friendly in return. That's because we tend to like people who like us. In a nutshell: by acting friendly, we make ourselves feel more friendly, and as a consequence, others respond in a friendly way.
Remember the saying, "If you want to make a friend, be a friend"? It takes time, energy, faithfulness and selflessness...Yes, it needs all these things....It's not something in the passing, not come and go....
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I've been haunting Geezer chat a lot lately - talking about anything and everything. I've damn near pissed myself from laughing so hard