God I hate moving. Especially when its not me that's moving. I'm still sore as fuck from helping my sister move for the past three days. I see why people try to avoid helping people do this at all costs now. It sucks. Especially when 9 times out of 10 the people your suppose to be helping to "move" haven't even started "packing" yet. And then they take out all their frustrations on you. So I've decided not to do it anymore. For anyone. At least not until the following conditions have been met (preferably in writing).
1. Your house, apartment, condo, trailer home or bridge must be fully packed and ready to move before I show up to help you move. Packing and moving are not the same thing. And I agree to help you to move your already packed items only. The rest is your job, dammit.
2. As I will more than likely be performing this service free of charge, please air your grievances and complaints to the appropriate parties only. It is not my fucking fault that you did not plan your move the way a responsible adult should have done and are now trying to do a weeks worth of work in 2 goddamn hours. You. Will. Fail. Taking it out on me just because I'm there will get you unceremoniously walked out on.
3. I am not a professional mover (And God willing, will never have to become one!). So if you don't like the way I'm packing (which according to article 1 of this contract, shouldn't be happening in the first place), hire professionals. You will then be free to dictate where you want all of your oddly shaped, oblong shit to go without fear of having a projectile item thrown in your direction.
4. Do Not Lie Telling blatant untruths such as "Oh we'll be done with all this today." or "We only have to go up 1 flight of stairs at the new place." and I discover, to my horror, that its gonna take a week and that your apartment is on the top floor of a 10-story fucking building, with no elevator, you will get cursed out. Be prepared.
5. Provide beer. And if I have to explain why I need beer to move, you don't want me for the job. This is not subject to negotiation.
These are my terms. So if anyone would like to have my services for their next move please print this contract and present it to me before I set foot in the house. We will then both sign and date the form and I will be more than happy to assist you with all of your moving day (not days) needs. I appreciate your business (and booze).
Most reluctantly and begrudgingly yours,
Shema
1. Your house, apartment, condo, trailer home or bridge must be fully packed and ready to move before I show up to help you move. Packing and moving are not the same thing. And I agree to help you to move your already packed items only. The rest is your job, dammit.
2. As I will more than likely be performing this service free of charge, please air your grievances and complaints to the appropriate parties only. It is not my fucking fault that you did not plan your move the way a responsible adult should have done and are now trying to do a weeks worth of work in 2 goddamn hours. You. Will. Fail. Taking it out on me just because I'm there will get you unceremoniously walked out on.
3. I am not a professional mover (And God willing, will never have to become one!). So if you don't like the way I'm packing (which according to article 1 of this contract, shouldn't be happening in the first place), hire professionals. You will then be free to dictate where you want all of your oddly shaped, oblong shit to go without fear of having a projectile item thrown in your direction.
4. Do Not Lie Telling blatant untruths such as "Oh we'll be done with all this today." or "We only have to go up 1 flight of stairs at the new place." and I discover, to my horror, that its gonna take a week and that your apartment is on the top floor of a 10-story fucking building, with no elevator, you will get cursed out. Be prepared.
5. Provide beer. And if I have to explain why I need beer to move, you don't want me for the job. This is not subject to negotiation.
These are my terms. So if anyone would like to have my services for their next move please print this contract and present it to me before I set foot in the house. We will then both sign and date the form and I will be more than happy to assist you with all of your moving day (not days) needs. I appreciate your business (and booze).
Most reluctantly and begrudgingly yours,
Shema
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
hemi:
MOVING!!! But not you..your sister. Geez...get on it dude. Seattle is no fun without you!
lee:
Steal away! 