Hey hey SGland!!
I am a bit (suuuper) late again with homework but I try to keep up. Really, I do! This time I am gonna hit a double blog here.
My first concert
Well, the first concert I can remember attending was Eric Clapton. When I was 10. With my parents. I remember being extremely obsessive with Tears in Heaven and all that but except this one and a couple songs more I didnt know shit about Eric Clapton. It was more like a night out in the big city with mum & dad ending falling sleep on my mums lap at the gig.
To go to my second 'first' concert we need to move a bit further on time. Like, 3 years further. I was 13. And I had a very competitive realtionship with this girl from High School. Every thing I did, she had done it twice already. And better. So one day she came bragging about her parents getting her tickets to see the BackStreet Boys concert and I got home like 'Ok I am all fed up with this girl always doing everything!' And my dad heard the story and well... his conclusion was to buy a pair of tickets to see the BSB. So yeah, I went there. Also with another friend from highschool and her mum. It was nice. There was a lot of dancing, confetti, and balloons! And the odd moment to see a girl about 11 standing next to me sobbing cause she wanted to marry Nick. Or Brian. I can't recall.
Then, my third FIRSTconcert was the one I REALLY wanted to go. And of course it was Suede. I was 15. It was December 1999. I loved (and still do) this band to pieces and I read all the reviews from other gigs, the ones I couldnt attend for being too young. And I was OVER excited. I remember skipping my last class that day. Feeling horrible cramps on my stomach fearing I was about to get ill so I wouldnt be able to go! (I was just terribly nervous and thats why I was feeling so bad). I went home, combed my hair with a side part. Put on a crisp, freshly ironed, black buttoned up shirt, grey flare pants, black nail polish, my black leather jacket, black eyeliner and black pencil on my waterline.. and lOTS of talccum powder to make my face even paler. It was trully awful but I was so happy! The concert was great. It was like a revelation to me. Always feeling like the gothy-nerd-outcast, I went there and looked through the audience thinking 'wait, there's more people like me! I am not alone in the world!!' Of course I was just idealizing. But it was nice. The gig was ok I guess. My 15 year old memories tell me it was GREAT. I remember few things to be honest. I remember I was in the 3d row, my dad in the 6th. I almost touched Mr. Anderson's hand when he approached the audience, as he always does. Also I ended up kissing with some dude and not seeing him never again. I can't even remember her face. But probably he had groomed himself nicely, with a fresh shaved face, pierced ear, black hair and black leather jacket. A proper 'Suedette'. I remember the smooching after the last song (wich wasSaturday Night, of course. They always ended up with Saturday Night at the time) , and then my dad saying 'get into the car'. I don't remember lots of things about it. But I remember the feeling. And how after that I started going to high school with a different attitude. More like the 'i dont give a fuck about what you think or say about me. I feel like the coolest'. And started wearing my make up and my black leather jacket, which I never dared before in fear of what others might say. So in a way I can say that this gig empowered me. And will always be the one that comes to mind when someone asks about our 'first concert'. Not Eric Clapton, not the BSBs, but this 99' Head Music Tour, Suede gig.
My favorite song.
I have two favorite songs. The one I usually tell people, and the one I keep to myself and just shared with someone once. And these two songs, I barely listen to them. Because you know? It is too much. They deliver such an amount of feelings I hardly can cope with them. But sometimes, SOMETIMES, I do. I light up a spliff, I lay in bed, and let the music and the smoke roll and take over. And you know= It's like being super alive but dying at the same time. Like leaving your body and traveling around the whole fucking universe without leaving your room. And it's like all the feelings in the world, they're all piling on your chest. Some of them are good some are bad but at least you feel like you have something inside you know= Like you're not made of stone. You feel, and feel a lot. And maybe you'll never be able to share this with anyone else. Maybe you'll just get to show a little part of you with them cause otherwise you'd look too weird too fucked up, too out of your mind. And there's not a simple way to put it into words.
Of course, they're both from Suede.
There's something so painful yet powerful about this song. And the bridge, and the instrumental part. The way it goes in crescendo, and then relaxes, and then it hits hard on you again to finally fade away... It's like something toxic you just can't let go of. Like a sweet nightmare that is tearing you appart and yet is the best fucking thing that ever happened to you... And if someone had asked me some years ago, which Suede song I felt related the most. This would be the one.
That's the one and only. My fave song ever. The long version. The one where you can hear Brett 'talking' by the end of the song. Muttering words in such a desperate tone you just want to rip your heart out. The one I hardly can't listen to. And why? It's not as dark as the former. But theres something about it. Cause the first time I heard that song I though... That's how LOVE must feel.
And I am happy I never shared this song with anyone. No partners to break up with making you hate the tune, filling it up with memories so you can't listen to it anymore. Until now. And I know it will never be 'our' song. Cause I don't want it to be anyones but Mine. But I am happy I got to share a moment of holding hands and breathing into each others neck listening to this and telling her why it was important. And she never laughed.
And I still believe thit is how love feels.
Well I hope I dind't bore you with my stories!!
What about your fave songs and first concerts??
Love,
Sheer
