sheer

The fucker slapped me. My father. Can't believe he did that. He slapped me so hard I lost my balance and hit the door with my head. Also my hand as I was covering my face and now I have a huge bruise and I think it's swelling. Fuck. The thing is my mum and I were fighting, as always. I always try to keep my mouth shut and not pay attention to all the shit I have to take from her, but Im running out of patience so today we ended up yelling at each other and maybe I said some words I shouldn't and when she tried to get into my room to go on insulting me i pushed her out yelling at her. Then that's when my dad came claiming I owe some respect to my mum and just hit me. The fucker. How can he talk about respect when he's been cheating on her for at least 3 years? (and I shut the fuck up about this matter cause I have a little brother and I don't want him to grow up in a broken home, and cause my father doesn't have a proper job and I dunno where would he live if my mum kicks him out, and cause I don't want my mum to be all depressive and stuff). Fuck me. Fuck my life. That's what I get to protect my father. I'm crying but I feel like I want to laugh every time I think about how he brags on how he defends me with my mum (thing I've never seen him do btw), cause truth is every time my mum and I have a fight he just remains silent, and if I say a bad word to her he yells at me. Then what the fuck's going on? I can't really trust anybody. Also my mum told me to leave. Luckily I found a room at a friends house. Cheap. Not where I wanted, not the way I wanted but I can't take it anymore so I'm getting the fuck outta here. I am so mad right now. I even binged and purged. It's been ages since the last time I did that. I can't believe this is not my home anymore. My mum told me I chose my side, and it meant I'd lost and win different things. But she'll only lose. She'll lose me. And she doesn't care. And now I can't even count on my dad. I can't believe I don't have a home anymore. Can't believe I don't have a family anymore. I can no longer love them.
But I NEED to be happy. And it has to be outside this mad house. And if I have to lose all these people who claims to care for me but are treating me like that...

So be it.