At my one job, I knew this girl. She just up and left one day. She had a job, a relationship, student loans to pay, a family...everything that anchors a person. And she left. She got her car tuned up, packed up her stuff, and drove around the entire country until she found a place that she felt like staying..and she stayed. I was in complete awe.
I am, in a completely serious way, considering the same thing.
I want my very best friend to come with me, we both have relationships, families etc... But we both layed on my living room floor the other night discussing life and a "bolt in the night," until 5am or so. All he does is tell me how he defends what she says about me, and how she isn't like me...and she doesn't give him all the things I could. What can I say? I say, "I'm sorry." whatever that means...
I'm not sure what he is trying to get across, or if I am interested in what it is.
His car would make the travel, mine would not. We love eachother in a way that is so beyond a male female connection it is unparalleled. The reliable car is all the planning we need.
It scares me to death, but I don't know how to be happy... It HAS to be out there somewhere doesn't it?
I cried and he brushed my hair behind my ear even though we both knew we shouldn't touch eachother.
Maybe he will come, maybe I will go alone.
I have no friends, a job I don't like that is excelling me nowhere, I haven't spoken to someone I don't already know besides formalities in probably 3 years... and I feel completely trapped by the winter that is due to come...it will be just like the last winter and the winter before... because I have never seen anything else.
There IS more to life than rotting away mentally because you are so comfortable that there is nothing else to do.
Loans, Bills, car payments, families, boyfriends/girlfriends, job, responsibilities....
I have so much stuff. I have spent so much money on shit..just junk to fill my boring life with. If I had saved that or used it in another way...who knows?
I want to know.
I am in the middle of a semester that I have already paid $2,000 for.
I don't know if I can wait.
Has anyone ever done anything like this before? Tell me your tale.
We used to see men riding on the backs of the trains with a backpack or two.
smelly, maybe.
happy, yes.
Once, almost 3 years ago, we went for a walk and he told me that my eyes shined. We cried and made love in the woods.
They haven't done so since.
life is too true and too false and makes no sense, just like that statement.
I need more.
I need to build for myself.
I need my connections who have all gone south.
we are both so scared to tell eachother the truth that all we can do is stare at eachother and ache.
so, with that said, I am giving away, mailing to friends, throwing away, and selling almost everything I have.
I have a closet the size of a small bedroom full of clothing and junk. If you want something, if you need a goddamn green t-shirt, grey handbag, pair of saddle shoes, 8 track player, book, funny coffee mug... anything! Let me know.. I probably won't even charge you for it.
I need a life... or there's no point in existance at all.
I can bartend, serve, run a cash register, barback... anything.
I can make it happen.
I am, in a completely serious way, considering the same thing.
I want my very best friend to come with me, we both have relationships, families etc... But we both layed on my living room floor the other night discussing life and a "bolt in the night," until 5am or so. All he does is tell me how he defends what she says about me, and how she isn't like me...and she doesn't give him all the things I could. What can I say? I say, "I'm sorry." whatever that means...
I'm not sure what he is trying to get across, or if I am interested in what it is.
His car would make the travel, mine would not. We love eachother in a way that is so beyond a male female connection it is unparalleled. The reliable car is all the planning we need.
It scares me to death, but I don't know how to be happy... It HAS to be out there somewhere doesn't it?
I cried and he brushed my hair behind my ear even though we both knew we shouldn't touch eachother.
Maybe he will come, maybe I will go alone.
I have no friends, a job I don't like that is excelling me nowhere, I haven't spoken to someone I don't already know besides formalities in probably 3 years... and I feel completely trapped by the winter that is due to come...it will be just like the last winter and the winter before... because I have never seen anything else.
There IS more to life than rotting away mentally because you are so comfortable that there is nothing else to do.
Loans, Bills, car payments, families, boyfriends/girlfriends, job, responsibilities....
I have so much stuff. I have spent so much money on shit..just junk to fill my boring life with. If I had saved that or used it in another way...who knows?
I want to know.
I am in the middle of a semester that I have already paid $2,000 for.
I don't know if I can wait.
Has anyone ever done anything like this before? Tell me your tale.
We used to see men riding on the backs of the trains with a backpack or two.
smelly, maybe.
happy, yes.
Once, almost 3 years ago, we went for a walk and he told me that my eyes shined. We cried and made love in the woods.
They haven't done so since.
life is too true and too false and makes no sense, just like that statement.
I need more.
I need to build for myself.
I need my connections who have all gone south.
we are both so scared to tell eachother the truth that all we can do is stare at eachother and ache.
so, with that said, I am giving away, mailing to friends, throwing away, and selling almost everything I have.
I have a closet the size of a small bedroom full of clothing and junk. If you want something, if you need a goddamn green t-shirt, grey handbag, pair of saddle shoes, 8 track player, book, funny coffee mug... anything! Let me know.. I probably won't even charge you for it.
I need a life... or there's no point in existance at all.
I can bartend, serve, run a cash register, barback... anything.
I can make it happen.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
Not knowing anything about the situation, my only opinion is that that's something I'd never have the guts to do, and so I'd admire those guts in you. That's hardcore--but could be immensely rewarding, to just head out and see where life takes you.
(Note: I came to your page after responding to a post on the Feminism club board. I don't know if you've resolved that issue since it's an old post, but I (for once!) had a semi-relevant opinion on your question, so if you want to check it out, there it is!
"I cried and he brushed my hair behind my ear even though we both knew we shouldn't touch eachother."
That just kills me. I'm shocked at how suddenly and how powerfully this one memory just hit me in the chest when I read that line.
. . . Yeah, wow. *sigh* That one line sums it all up, right there.