shaymarie

Okay, so maybe not a few hours later. =)

I was sitting down today watching Saturday morning cartoons and eating raisin bran when I just sort of realized that my life really isn't all that bad. I mean, sure, there is a lot I'd rather not have to deal with, like all of the doctor's appointments and all of the medicines and all of my mood swings and my fears, all of which haunt me every second of every single day. But there are so many other things that make it a ton better.

I'll admit now. I don't have the best family. My mom and dad fight every minute of every day, they both pretty much hate everything about me, my brothers are the same way. I guess I can't say I blame them either. Everyone in their families fits so perfect into their little molds, but I just... I don't have a mold. I just am, and I think it scares them. It makes me sad for me, but even more sad for them.

I'm a person who doesn't need to be defined by the people around her. I'm a person who, despite her psychiatric problems, still shines as her own person. I am me, I am myself, I am I, and no one, no matter how strong or sexy or determined, will ever be able to strip me of that no matter how hard they might try.

But even with the family, and even with the doctors and the pills and the bills I have to pay but can't, I'm still me, I'm still alive, and though sedated to the maximum, I'm still doing what I need and want to do, and I'm not regretting anything. I still have my shoes, and my music, and my dog and my art, and my Saturday morning cartoons.

If you don't have a dog, you really should get one. I have a bestfriend whom I talk with all the time, but my dog is just a bit better sometimes. I cuddle up with my puppy and just ramble, and she never talks back. She just cuddles me and licks my hand and stays there no matter what I say or do. She is unconditionally loving, and I like that. It might sound funny, since it's only a dog, but if you had/have a dog, you'd probably understand.

I'm going to take a bath in a while, and then do my hair and makeup for the first time this week (icky me), and I think I'm going to go outside and take a ton of pictures. Of trees, grass, dirt, mailboxes, and maybe my face or other parts/nether regions. We shall see, we shall see, we shall see.

Thanks for reading my rambling, if you have. =)