Fuck all this
everything making me in to this hyper angsus and skared littel girl. I 'm going to barke free.
I have desided that what ever happens in the time to come it's for the best and nothing will stope me from being me. I dont care what any one says I'm going to be that sporty snowbording/surfing girl that I allways whanted to be. And I just have to exept me for me. You see it's nobody ells but me that makes me feel inkompitent or stupid Nobody but me becaus I ladys and gentelmen I am the poster child for selfhate. Nobody can hurt me becaus you can bet I have allredy hurt my self so much that I never let any body get close enuf to hurt me in the same way.
See I don't when I streted hateing me so much, And to be onest I remeber adn I dont whant to remember I just whant to stop. So I gess I will. And what hurts most is the peopel I have let in to my life the people I love I dont tell them about this becus I know it would hurt to much. I have told my mother and I have seen the love adn the fear that tares her apart inside. You know one time when I was really down she came to me and she tolld me "You know what I'm Terrifid every time I leve for work or leve for any thing becaus I think evry time that maby you whant be thir one day when I come home, I'm so frithend that you will hurt your self that I never whant to leve" That will never be forgoten. And in that moment I realised that evern if I would never comit suicide she dident know that. That hurt me so mutch. So in honer of my mother nad of me I will be beter I will be okey.
And nowI am going to strart live my life for reall.
tallihoo darlings
everything making me in to this hyper angsus and skared littel girl. I 'm going to barke free.
I have desided that what ever happens in the time to come it's for the best and nothing will stope me from being me. I dont care what any one says I'm going to be that sporty snowbording/surfing girl that I allways whanted to be. And I just have to exept me for me. You see it's nobody ells but me that makes me feel inkompitent or stupid Nobody but me becaus I ladys and gentelmen I am the poster child for selfhate. Nobody can hurt me becaus you can bet I have allredy hurt my self so much that I never let any body get close enuf to hurt me in the same way.
See I don't when I streted hateing me so much, And to be onest I remeber adn I dont whant to remember I just whant to stop. So I gess I will. And what hurts most is the peopel I have let in to my life the people I love I dont tell them about this becus I know it would hurt to much. I have told my mother and I have seen the love adn the fear that tares her apart inside. You know one time when I was really down she came to me and she tolld me "You know what I'm Terrifid every time I leve for work or leve for any thing becaus I think evry time that maby you whant be thir one day when I come home, I'm so frithend that you will hurt your self that I never whant to leve" That will never be forgoten. And in that moment I realised that evern if I would never comit suicide she dident know that. That hurt me so mutch. So in honer of my mother nad of me I will be beter I will be okey.
And nowI am going to strart live my life for reall.
tallihoo darlings
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Dance like no one is watching
Love like you'll never get hurt
Sing like no one is listening
and Live like it's Heaven on Earth.
~analise (i think)