shattered

"This sucks" would be such a complete understatement.

So far my coping mechanisms are...okay. When things like this happen I revert back to suicidal thoughts, as much as I hate it (and admitting that's what I do makes me feel like some sort of attention whore/drama queen/loser), and I've already thought about my birthday a couple times this week (how sad is that, thinking about doing that on your birthday?)...I hate feeling this alone. It's scary and it hurts and I hate it.

I'm going to be selfish and hope it's a temporary goodbye. Please let it be temporary; I'm not going to accept permanant. I can't accept permanant.