sharonlove

Have you ever just sat there and contemplated your mortality?I mean really. You're going to die. I'm going to die. We are all at one point, going to cease being. Thats right, even all you "vampires" out there. You're breath is going to stop, you're heart will soon follow, you will most likely loose the rest of your bowels...unless you JUST went to the restroom. It could happen at any time. Painlessly, quickly... or painfully, slowly... being eaten alive by cancers and clogged arteries. One would like to think of a higher power, one would like to think of an afterlife, or rebirth.

But what if you can't see it? What if you have this overwhelming since of fear of the finality of it all. Once your dead... you're dead. Gone. You know, that same old shpeal. I'm not writing this to get into a religious debate and how I need to have my "soul saved" and shit. I'm writing this because at this moment I need to get it out of my head so that I can go on pretending its not going to happen, and not feel like my life is severely handicapped and limited.

I suppose my main fear is of being forgotten in my old age and everyone I've come to know and love has already passed. I'm in a home for the old folks who can't do anything for themselves and I wait till I die. Constantly in pain and immobile for I have no limbs and I've been sentenced to the rest of my life with having to rely on others..in a wheelchair... bound to medicine... fading memory....I fear of loosing my independance, of my health.I fear the day where I will loose my mother, father, brothers...Its going to happen. The suspense... its KILLING me.

But thats no way to live your life. Always fearing your death and your lonely future. OR is it? Let this thought compell me to live how I want to, to take full advantage of everyday opprotunites, to kiss who I want, to fuck who I want (even though at this moment its still only Jeff...haha..) live each day to the fullest. LIVE LIKE YOU WANT TO! Don't take anybody's shit, because this life is to damned short to do so. This is it people. Its our time. Mine. MY time.Why should I worry about what other people think? Why should I give a good goddamn about what Mrs. Garrett fucking says, what anyone in my workplace fucking says? I shouldn't. Live you're life to the fullest.
Are you not happy?
WHY?
Why are you not happy?
Whats stopping you from that?
Why haven't you gone and done that one thing you wanted to do?
Whats stopping you?
Why?!
Cut out all the bullshit and stand up to fuckers that want you to be beneath them. No one can make you feel bad, but yourself.You allow someone to make you feel that way. Sure, someone said something that really cut deep. But why? Why did it cut deep? They are just WORDS!! Never allow another to make you feel less worthy of what you want. These are the words I must keep in my head.These are the things I must live by. FUCK THE WORLD. Living in it doesn't give the "world" the right to dictate how I must think, how I must feel about things, how I have to dress, eat, talk.... what if I don't feel sad about death? What if I feel really happy about it? What if instead of being mad at someone who tries to be mean, I laugh like hell over the hilarity of it all?

Do what you can to make you're life right.Find a balance.

Start something, be a part of something that you find joy in. Music is my joy.

One can say one will do something... but to actually DO IT. That is what I am saying. DO IT. Get out, and live life, and DO SOMETHING.Even if that something is watching movies on your couch. If that makes you happy, then by all means DO IT.
Want to be a musician? Then do what you have to BE ONE.
Want to be a doctor? Then study and be one!
Do what you need to do to get where you want to BE.