shaners

its really early. its 3:55-am to be exact. \r\n\r\ni haven\'t slept yet. \r\nsurprisingly, i am lucid and calm. \r\n\r\nthere was a time in my life where this was very normal. it\'s not that i would necessarily call it irregular at this point but less frequent would be accurate. \r\n\r\ni was thinking more on fate. and what it might look like. \r\n\r\ni told a friend tonight that i think it looks like tetris. \r\n\r\nso anyway why am i up? fear tells me any answer i\'d give would be constructed by some fraud in my psyche. the part of my brain that specializes in bullshit. im awake because im alive and trying to match feeling to action. \r\n\r\n\r\nwhere at what point will people start caring for another and get past the bullshit and empty flaws of life.. \r\n\r\nwhat this so-called valentines day means(to me atleast) \r\n\r\n\r\nIn first grade we were allowed to make cards and bring in gifts to give out to other classmates and if my memory serves me right(which it never has and probably wont) I received none, or like two( one from the teacher and one from the other kid who made ones for everybody).-slight disappointment-- The next years rules changed -so if you bring in treats Feb. 14, YOU MUST BRING ONE FOR EVERYONE! Fuck that. I know it sounds bitter- but we ve all been there-it\'s a wired feeling holiday-often biased to couples , but when you\'re a little kid shit tends to fuck with you. it\'s strange messages we send to children(or eachother) --- I used to read cracked magazine a lot as a youngster , and every year my mom would put little candies and treats out for me and my brothers before we went to school in the morning, and in an attempted to get me something I would enjoy, my mom got me some boxers with hearts on them. a little box of red hots, and a copy of what she thought was gone be like a mad, or cracked magazine but was very obviously titled super teen, and was covered in young actor and pop star dudes. Lots of dudes. It was hilarious . But she was so disappointed at herself for it----- when I finally explained my outburst of laughter she felt all shitty , shitty-for no reason. As so many people do today --It was the effort that mattered right ------wrong I guess. There didn\'t need to be any. You can tell love by its feeling not it form. Sentiments are lovely but are to easily misunderstood. Tangible-- is too easy. Fuck valentines day . Just one day??? ---out of over three hundred -just one and its dedicated to commemorating the cheapest aspects of a truly honest and committed relationship. that\'s fucked up in my opinion. Im not sure if it\'s a massive conspiracy or what, but we should be reminding ourselves of this shit and doing little extra things for each other everyday, and I know this is not an original statement. But today lets try and tell people we don\'t know very well, or people who frustrate us in our lives, something nice about themselves. Think about the people we cant stand, and why. Maybe even reach out to them, old friends, falling outs. Family you might have beef with. If we re going to designate just one day for something, shouldn\'t it be something that is a little bit more challenging than buying flowers. Something we put off? Shouldn\'t it aim to make us a more aware people? I don\'t know shit. But today im going to reevaluate why ive pushed some people away and not others. And im not buying anything . Happy bullshit day baby girl. <3 shane \r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nwhat does a lady beaver have between her legs?? \r\n