shaneka

OK after several long days my yahoo id has been returned. For some reason things were changed on it, like my name, it was D.E.A.D. Frog? I don't know what to say abou that one, other than I changed my password to something else totally different that what I am use to. It could be teh whole my laptop was stolen thing, probably not though, I didn't save my passwords on it. Who knows.

So today is Thursday. I should be leaving next Thursday. Tonight Michael and I will talk about the move. Need I say that I'm nervous. I'm a nonbeliever at heart so I will have to wait and see what happens. :sigh:


EDIT:
Today is Thursday. I have about a week left here in Shreveport. I have been totally lacking on the post. Mostly because my life seems to be going in overdrive and Im just strapped in the seat and the car is just going without me.

I met Michael in September. Since then we have grown incredibly close. I mean on the mental and emotional level before any other was ever involved. He is married and will be getting a divorce but its not because of me. Its something that was there before I even showed in the picture. His way of waiting to tell me thought did suck. But I think that if he did let me know beforehand I would have been more distant that what I was.

I havent been able to let go of Wensly emotionally yet. I have been a horrible person to him regarding my attitude and treating him with such disdain. Which I shouldnt. I feel like I should hold on to him for a little bit longer. Which is really unfair. He represents all that I can have such as a family, a loving husband, and wonderful children. I know that this is more than a possibility with him. If I were to stay with him and get some therapy for my inability to argue nicely, wed have a wonderful life. But Id still think about a career which isnt fair to him or me. And I should be sane and not have two boyfriends.

Then there is Tony. A person that I cannot have right now. Even thought he isnt too far from my mind. But I dont think that it was ever meant to be. Mostly because of the way things did work out. I mean there was time in our lives where we both were single. And nothing came of it. I dont know why. Perhaps it is what I always feared with him. That it would be too intense and that we wouldnt be together forever and that would mean a break up and I know that it would have left me really upset.

Ok so back to Michael. We will be moving with his friend from work Terry. Which is ok. We will be living in a two bedroom townhouse. This means that Michael and I will be in the same room. I havent told Wensly of this. He just thinks that I am moving because of school. Honestly this is the most part. But I do care about Michael. A lot. I know that with him I could be emotionally happy as well. But with him there wouldnt be a family I dont think. I dont think there will be any marriage involved. How do I get all of my worlds to be one? I can have a career while with him, nothing of baggage, but other than that I will not have everything.

Im still confused. But I dont have time for anything. I will be moving to Fort Lauderdale on the 176th. Ill be stopping in New Orleans for a bit. I know that I will cry. Other than that, I will have to leave things behind.

Breathing out