It's been awhile since my last post.
So things as they stand have been a roller coaster of emotions. I went to NOLA for almost a week to deal with the emergency at hand. My mom stayed almost another week in the hospital after I left. And even though I pleaded with her 'friend' Pat not to let my mom go home and to encourage her to go to her dad's, her friend was super selfish and told my mom that she could help her. Now though that seems very helpful, this lady and my mom have been friends only about 8 months, and though they've known each other for years (running in same circles) they weren't close before this. And she is 'disabled' so how the hell is she suppose to help my mom if she falls on the floor?
That has been the greatest trouble I have had with this whole situation. My mom's dad owes her a lot in the taking care of department and I wouldn't feel guilty if she needed him and his wife to take care of her. And I tried to stress that to her friend. Also my step-grandma stays at home 24/7 with her mom, they are closer to NOLA (university hospital) and OWE my mom a lot of taking care of. No fucking kidding. My grandpa got remarried and basically turned his back on his former kids. (long fucking Story). And to top things off, Pat's family is fucked up and need her help with their own inability to take care of their own fucking kids. And her inability NOT to smoke inside my mom's house. My mom smokes but mostly outside, Pat lights up 8 cigerettes in a row inside. The fucking lady had the nerve to tell me that when i told her to get out of the house while my mom was in the hospital, that she smokes sometimes inside. I said, well, I here, don't smoke and you need to get out with that cigerette. Also, she cut my mom's hair the moment I was on the plane. Because it was full of blood, which it wasn't because my cousins, a nurse, and I washed all of the blood out. It just had one more knot. Pat also said that she had to respect my wishes until I got on the plane, to my best friend.. Stupid bitch.
Ok I am ranting here because I am stressed. I don't like the fact that this lady was selfish because no one was asking or responding to her say, "i can help renelle". So she was deceptive by saying she would not tell my mom that she could help... but did. She made a lot of headaches and heartbreaks for me. And I don't really appreciate it. And though I guess I should be 'grateful" I'm not. Because I don't think that everything was totally selfless. And she lets everyone know how much she is helping out too. OMG does she ever. but here's the thing, she knew her family was a bunch of meth heads yet told my mom that they needed a place to rent, so two months ago they just up and left. She comes from crap and doesn't want to do better for herself or or family. ARugh. she just gets under my skin.
As far as my mom's health is concerned. She is doing better. She doesn't have the short term together yet. She walking a bit better and she is almost getting her eyesight together. Tomorrow she goes to the neurologist and then the next day to the therapist. But who knows how that is going to go. If you don't know... NOLA is still crappy from Katrina and the healthcare system is close to freaking blowing up. Blach.
We also wound up not getting our house. Which I am sure I posted about last time.
I am on the verge of a break down. I have started to get anxiety flashes before I go to work. I am almost certain that it's me and not the job. But my heart starts to race and I don't want to leave the house. It actually made me want to stay inside on the weekend as well. I have always had a case of the weepies. But I have been trying to battle it with diet and exercise, two of which have fallen to the wayside a bit recently. I don't know what to do because I am not sure if i should go to the doctor or to a therapist. I have always been able to talk about my past and how I feel with friends and also have made efforts to try to do things differently, where I think that a therapist would help. Kicker, is that I am becoming more antisocial and don't want to meet this new person. And I am not sure about medication.
So I am stuck with my self evaluation and my craziness. BLAh.
Good news. Michael is still a good person and loves me anyway. And I got a haircut today and a Pediegg.. which is suppose to get rid of the roughness on my feet, gross huh?!
So things as they stand have been a roller coaster of emotions. I went to NOLA for almost a week to deal with the emergency at hand. My mom stayed almost another week in the hospital after I left. And even though I pleaded with her 'friend' Pat not to let my mom go home and to encourage her to go to her dad's, her friend was super selfish and told my mom that she could help her. Now though that seems very helpful, this lady and my mom have been friends only about 8 months, and though they've known each other for years (running in same circles) they weren't close before this. And she is 'disabled' so how the hell is she suppose to help my mom if she falls on the floor?
That has been the greatest trouble I have had with this whole situation. My mom's dad owes her a lot in the taking care of department and I wouldn't feel guilty if she needed him and his wife to take care of her. And I tried to stress that to her friend. Also my step-grandma stays at home 24/7 with her mom, they are closer to NOLA (university hospital) and OWE my mom a lot of taking care of. No fucking kidding. My grandpa got remarried and basically turned his back on his former kids. (long fucking Story). And to top things off, Pat's family is fucked up and need her help with their own inability to take care of their own fucking kids. And her inability NOT to smoke inside my mom's house. My mom smokes but mostly outside, Pat lights up 8 cigerettes in a row inside. The fucking lady had the nerve to tell me that when i told her to get out of the house while my mom was in the hospital, that she smokes sometimes inside. I said, well, I here, don't smoke and you need to get out with that cigerette. Also, she cut my mom's hair the moment I was on the plane. Because it was full of blood, which it wasn't because my cousins, a nurse, and I washed all of the blood out. It just had one more knot. Pat also said that she had to respect my wishes until I got on the plane, to my best friend.. Stupid bitch.
Ok I am ranting here because I am stressed. I don't like the fact that this lady was selfish because no one was asking or responding to her say, "i can help renelle". So she was deceptive by saying she would not tell my mom that she could help... but did. She made a lot of headaches and heartbreaks for me. And I don't really appreciate it. And though I guess I should be 'grateful" I'm not. Because I don't think that everything was totally selfless. And she lets everyone know how much she is helping out too. OMG does she ever. but here's the thing, she knew her family was a bunch of meth heads yet told my mom that they needed a place to rent, so two months ago they just up and left. She comes from crap and doesn't want to do better for herself or or family. ARugh. she just gets under my skin.
As far as my mom's health is concerned. She is doing better. She doesn't have the short term together yet. She walking a bit better and she is almost getting her eyesight together. Tomorrow she goes to the neurologist and then the next day to the therapist. But who knows how that is going to go. If you don't know... NOLA is still crappy from Katrina and the healthcare system is close to freaking blowing up. Blach.
We also wound up not getting our house. Which I am sure I posted about last time.
I am on the verge of a break down. I have started to get anxiety flashes before I go to work. I am almost certain that it's me and not the job. But my heart starts to race and I don't want to leave the house. It actually made me want to stay inside on the weekend as well. I have always had a case of the weepies. But I have been trying to battle it with diet and exercise, two of which have fallen to the wayside a bit recently. I don't know what to do because I am not sure if i should go to the doctor or to a therapist. I have always been able to talk about my past and how I feel with friends and also have made efforts to try to do things differently, where I think that a therapist would help. Kicker, is that I am becoming more antisocial and don't want to meet this new person. And I am not sure about medication.
So I am stuck with my self evaluation and my craziness. BLAh.
Good news. Michael is still a good person and loves me anyway. And I got a haircut today and a Pediegg.. which is suppose to get rid of the roughness on my feet, gross huh?!
I dated a girl a few years back who had anxiety similar to yours, and the doctor she went to prescribed Zoloft for her and I think it helped her. Of course, it didn't help her long, because she had a bajillion other problems that she refused to address and quit taking the meds.
Dealing with this is a very difficult thing to start, but I promise you that nobody is going to throw you in the nuthouse...If you are wondering whether or not to go to a doctor or a therapist, what I can say is that you should go to a psychiatrist (not a psychologist), because they are MDs and are in a very good position to determine if meds or therapy are the correct solution for you. But, barring that, just go see SOMEBODY and take the first step down the road.
If you want send me a PM and I will send you my phone #.