Hey. I'm just going to post this and sneak back out. I'll read mail and talk to you guys soon and stuff. I've been really busy with a new thing for the past week and it will keep me busy night and day for a while. Sorry to anyone who actually cares about my absense, but as if the quality of your life has improves since i kinda sorta entered it in the virtual world. 
I wish. It is flattering to toy with the idea that my person could be that important to someone 
. Well this, this is something i just spewed out randomly without thinking at all. it took about ten minutes and it was fun. Enjoy. Youll think im even crazier now.
i had a dream when i was nine years old about a powerful spiritual force that said it was my gaurdian and would protect me forever and be at my side when i need its power. Since then it comes to me in my dreams wihtou my asking, seems to come at times when i need it the most. and when i was 21 and crying and asking why and wanting an escape for the first time i asked for help from this creature and that night in my dreams my body changed and i became what it was, this spiritual creature, and there were more of the same kind and we all of we ran through the night together and i was one of them, the closest i could get.
I'm going to the place where there might be no comin comin back a place somewhere between the rainbow in the sky from that lullaby in my childhood days that i never heard the days it was played but it plays so sweetly these days echoing from a place that was cold and dark but is now done and time rolls on if it rolls. It sure doesn't dance, not for me, time is a chain, link upon link but it isn't something that can be summed up in a straight line like a chain with links, it moves too much like a snake with flexibilty and curls swirls... that might mean with movement it could dance okay. And if time could be erased with only my mentality alone as the one history left in the world that would be a dream come true. I could be be be the world's hero as I recreate all of history's miracles all on my own and people would be dazed in a trance their senses overwhelmed as I teach them about... music and music they never heard never knew because music never was... and I'll build my own instruments and call them my own creations and perform surgeries beyond even todays miracles because there are no miracles today nothing much to
turn
my
head
and
if the storm came, that winter storm that blows a whole city and all of it's inhabitants away I'd stay in one spot with the power of my mind, the power that the forces of the weather can't tango with and I'd save him more beautifully than an Amazon princess because... I could... and it may take months to find our way to the next city in this cold but it's alright cuz you found me and i'm not gonna let either of us die in a place like this not before our relationship goes to the next level, stranger. Not before I get to taste heaven with you and you can find your friends again that blew away out over the frozen ocean in that winter storm, because you shared years with them unspeakable and I wish I knew them. We'll find them again, don't worry. Just stay alive here with me, if we have to eat raw meat its okay as long as we stay... alive here. We'll walk until our muscles fall off in search of life in search of that next city and the cold can't break into our warmth and we'll stay alive through it all.
"Way up north I took my day. All in all was a pretty nice day. I put the hood right back where... you could taste heaven perfectly. Feel out the summer breeze, didn't know when we'd be back and i, I dont know what takes hold, I dont didnt think... we'd end up like... like this."
Why did we ever meet it never came to anything it was like a tortorous tease licking my pain as a flame and reminding me of what i could have what could be if you weren't so... you if you werent so...
It was something something new and different. You know how we all have a great idea of what love feels like what love is and it dont take much to play it on, it dont take much to bring those feelings abot because we are already farmiliar with those feelings in our hearts from the years of growing up with these ideas in our heads so... so when a prospect comes along it isnt hard for our minds to take us away and thats what people call love and thats why it makes me sick and thats why I am above that kind of love and no one ever understands. No one ever understands why I want to eb alone for the rest of my life... because I am above the simple notions that keep us all ticking even beyond love the life most live with the ideas that keep them ticking that tells them they are living a life but its a lie and i hate it and i cant live it so ill sit here alone and im just fucking fine with that. just fine. I wonder how much is manifesation of imagination taking us to fake heights with love with life with love and love and life.our brains trick us our ideas trick us and then then then i met you. It was like a dream things running through my body my soul my heart and not my head not my brain not working with my imaginationand my ideas... not farmiliar. So i didnt know what to make of it because the feelings and the senses were unworldly, and new and natural. It was beautiful. and you never cared. I dont know what that was joe and i dont know what i am to you but if you didnt feel it you are.... and if you felt it and youve been acting this way then you are hopeless, Because i cant forget you... no not you but what i felt that night and it haunts me everywhere i go go go and nothing compares. Did it happen so short ago or was it... a dream. I hoe i meet someone again that makes me feel alive that way as if i am not even of this world on a new plane of existence where its only him and me and me... and him and we can feel centuries worth of thoughts and feeelings as if time is irrelevant and what is more... I hope that he loves me back. One day a few hours was irrelevant okay. beyond our sense of time and the limits inposed by our ideas. I hope he appreciates me and he has what it takes to grab such a thing in his hands and handle it with strength and grace and it wont be a struggle or a fight and it wont be painful or overwhelming, such a unworldy new feeling sensation because es like me, just like me, he can handle such things unlike people living in a chain of time of ideas of layers of history like a iced cake all shaping pretty little clay people that move as beautifully as any shallow wodden puppets would. Will i see him in me too and will i feel him in he like he was always there...i hope there is another out there somewhere and I hope he would love me too. I really hope so....
Say we were running again, running from a group frenzied and wild for our blood cuz me and you we done wrong and we broke the rules of this world and we run into a portal. Its a circle of energy buzzing and flexing and we ran right into it because whatever the hell it is and whatever it offers beyond it is preferable to this world and these monsters chasing us so we run without thinking. We are taken to a world where the energy is so strong that I am brought to my knees and I scream because I can feel all of it... the profound hate and evil and dirty deeds as if a thousand dirty demons of heel were crawling all around me and ripping apart bodies and raping and cutting and torchering and taking and killing and cutting and the noise of their haunting growls and snarls and howls rips my sensitive soul apart and this world i can feel the evil in it it is strong and thick and putrid and i am caught in it immoblized it takes my energy and i am spent my muscles cant move. That is my world but i must represent it as a new world through a portal which we entered, prefering it over.. over.. prefering it over everything weve come to know everything in the world, and it is a world apart from it all that is so different no onecould understand so lets call it a different world, a world of heightened sensitivity my own world yet reacting the the big world around me. But it means feeling and thinking and imagining beautifully incomprehensibly so although i can feel the evil roaring throughout i think well stay. My power consequently is heightened here as well, and I am stronger than i ever was here, with this new world with so much energy buzzing about and different chemical reactions and different composites of things and different air floating around, it all enhances everything i was ever equipped with so that i can soar the skies and cut the stars apart into little showers that sprinkle down and i cna create miracles and follow the evil that runs and hides in its thick portal in hell which noone else can do and cut it all down because i have the power to here, did you know?
And then here i am ** years old and in ** short years i feel more advanced than most that have lived full lifetimes but shit that counts for nothing when each year crawls by in waste and i waste away more and more and sangria sweet sangria is no longer an escape for me okay. okay.
I wish. It is flattering to toy with the idea that my person could be that important to someone . Well this, this is something i just spewed out randomly without thinking at all. it took about ten minutes and it was fun. Enjoy. Youll think im even crazier now.i had a dream when i was nine years old about a powerful spiritual force that said it was my gaurdian and would protect me forever and be at my side when i need its power. Since then it comes to me in my dreams wihtou my asking, seems to come at times when i need it the most. and when i was 21 and crying and asking why and wanting an escape for the first time i asked for help from this creature and that night in my dreams my body changed and i became what it was, this spiritual creature, and there were more of the same kind and we all of we ran through the night together and i was one of them, the closest i could get.
I'm going to the place where there might be no comin comin back a place somewhere between the rainbow in the sky from that lullaby in my childhood days that i never heard the days it was played but it plays so sweetly these days echoing from a place that was cold and dark but is now done and time rolls on if it rolls. It sure doesn't dance, not for me, time is a chain, link upon link but it isn't something that can be summed up in a straight line like a chain with links, it moves too much like a snake with flexibilty and curls swirls... that might mean with movement it could dance okay. And if time could be erased with only my mentality alone as the one history left in the world that would be a dream come true. I could be be be the world's hero as I recreate all of history's miracles all on my own and people would be dazed in a trance their senses overwhelmed as I teach them about... music and music they never heard never knew because music never was... and I'll build my own instruments and call them my own creations and perform surgeries beyond even todays miracles because there are no miracles today nothing much to
turn
my
head
and
if the storm came, that winter storm that blows a whole city and all of it's inhabitants away I'd stay in one spot with the power of my mind, the power that the forces of the weather can't tango with and I'd save him more beautifully than an Amazon princess because... I could... and it may take months to find our way to the next city in this cold but it's alright cuz you found me and i'm not gonna let either of us die in a place like this not before our relationship goes to the next level, stranger. Not before I get to taste heaven with you and you can find your friends again that blew away out over the frozen ocean in that winter storm, because you shared years with them unspeakable and I wish I knew them. We'll find them again, don't worry. Just stay alive here with me, if we have to eat raw meat its okay as long as we stay... alive here. We'll walk until our muscles fall off in search of life in search of that next city and the cold can't break into our warmth and we'll stay alive through it all.
"Way up north I took my day. All in all was a pretty nice day. I put the hood right back where... you could taste heaven perfectly. Feel out the summer breeze, didn't know when we'd be back and i, I dont know what takes hold, I dont didnt think... we'd end up like... like this."
Why did we ever meet it never came to anything it was like a tortorous tease licking my pain as a flame and reminding me of what i could have what could be if you weren't so... you if you werent so...
It was something something new and different. You know how we all have a great idea of what love feels like what love is and it dont take much to play it on, it dont take much to bring those feelings abot because we are already farmiliar with those feelings in our hearts from the years of growing up with these ideas in our heads so... so when a prospect comes along it isnt hard for our minds to take us away and thats what people call love and thats why it makes me sick and thats why I am above that kind of love and no one ever understands. No one ever understands why I want to eb alone for the rest of my life... because I am above the simple notions that keep us all ticking even beyond love the life most live with the ideas that keep them ticking that tells them they are living a life but its a lie and i hate it and i cant live it so ill sit here alone and im just fucking fine with that. just fine. I wonder how much is manifesation of imagination taking us to fake heights with love with life with love and love and life.our brains trick us our ideas trick us and then then then i met you. It was like a dream things running through my body my soul my heart and not my head not my brain not working with my imaginationand my ideas... not farmiliar. So i didnt know what to make of it because the feelings and the senses were unworldly, and new and natural. It was beautiful. and you never cared. I dont know what that was joe and i dont know what i am to you but if you didnt feel it you are.... and if you felt it and youve been acting this way then you are hopeless, Because i cant forget you... no not you but what i felt that night and it haunts me everywhere i go go go and nothing compares. Did it happen so short ago or was it... a dream. I hoe i meet someone again that makes me feel alive that way as if i am not even of this world on a new plane of existence where its only him and me and me... and him and we can feel centuries worth of thoughts and feeelings as if time is irrelevant and what is more... I hope that he loves me back. One day a few hours was irrelevant okay. beyond our sense of time and the limits inposed by our ideas. I hope he appreciates me and he has what it takes to grab such a thing in his hands and handle it with strength and grace and it wont be a struggle or a fight and it wont be painful or overwhelming, such a unworldy new feeling sensation because es like me, just like me, he can handle such things unlike people living in a chain of time of ideas of layers of history like a iced cake all shaping pretty little clay people that move as beautifully as any shallow wodden puppets would. Will i see him in me too and will i feel him in he like he was always there...i hope there is another out there somewhere and I hope he would love me too. I really hope so....
Say we were running again, running from a group frenzied and wild for our blood cuz me and you we done wrong and we broke the rules of this world and we run into a portal. Its a circle of energy buzzing and flexing and we ran right into it because whatever the hell it is and whatever it offers beyond it is preferable to this world and these monsters chasing us so we run without thinking. We are taken to a world where the energy is so strong that I am brought to my knees and I scream because I can feel all of it... the profound hate and evil and dirty deeds as if a thousand dirty demons of heel were crawling all around me and ripping apart bodies and raping and cutting and torchering and taking and killing and cutting and the noise of their haunting growls and snarls and howls rips my sensitive soul apart and this world i can feel the evil in it it is strong and thick and putrid and i am caught in it immoblized it takes my energy and i am spent my muscles cant move. That is my world but i must represent it as a new world through a portal which we entered, prefering it over.. over.. prefering it over everything weve come to know everything in the world, and it is a world apart from it all that is so different no onecould understand so lets call it a different world, a world of heightened sensitivity my own world yet reacting the the big world around me. But it means feeling and thinking and imagining beautifully incomprehensibly so although i can feel the evil roaring throughout i think well stay. My power consequently is heightened here as well, and I am stronger than i ever was here, with this new world with so much energy buzzing about and different chemical reactions and different composites of things and different air floating around, it all enhances everything i was ever equipped with so that i can soar the skies and cut the stars apart into little showers that sprinkle down and i cna create miracles and follow the evil that runs and hides in its thick portal in hell which noone else can do and cut it all down because i have the power to here, did you know?
And then here i am ** years old and in ** short years i feel more advanced than most that have lived full lifetimes but shit that counts for nothing when each year crawls by in waste and i waste away more and more and sangria sweet sangria is no longer an escape for me okay. okay.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
Happy fucking birthday!!