Merry Christmas, everyone!
-i went on a mini spree to give a little merryment to all. if you don't celebrate christmas for religious reasons and what not, ignore my "merry christmas" and replace it with a "happy holidays" and have a happy everything.
-i love the idea of family coming together and it makes me feel good to know that everyone is happy,
but i feel like i'm the only one who isn't happy to be here. i forget that i'm a pariah within my own family. i sit and have nothing to say to everyone as we eat at the table or sit around gifting. i do not enjoy it. i don't know why. most of my family that lives around here's kinda boring, but i love them. i just don't fit and don't really care about these gatherings. i just feel "meh" inside. one of my cousins is the only person who understands me as he and i both are outcasts and feel the same about these things.
-my parents harrassed me for a while asking what i wanted. i tell them nothing. i don't need anything. i did tell my mom to respect my choice of direction in life and accept that i'm not what she tried to raise me to become. she didn't like that. i know they got me random things anyways. kinda bothers me when i say it doesn't matter to me and i want nothing, and they get me stuff anyways. they're just generous and love to give, but i still would like them to understand that i'm content as i am. i'm happier just sitting and keeping to myself or watching them smile. i do like to give gifts. it pleases me to please them.
-so it went as i expected. got a bunch of random crap. my sister got me the most useful gift, a dark blue dress shirt. never had blue. i like dressing nice. mostly as an excuse to wear ties. ties are good. i mostly made myself scarce. talked to my grandpa about college. pretty unfulfilling day.
-i enjoy hanging out with my sister. i missed her, good to see her again.
-i hope everyone enjoys their holidays and is happy. that would please me.
-i went on a mini spree to give a little merryment to all. if you don't celebrate christmas for religious reasons and what not, ignore my "merry christmas" and replace it with a "happy holidays" and have a happy everything.
-i love the idea of family coming together and it makes me feel good to know that everyone is happy,
but i feel like i'm the only one who isn't happy to be here. i forget that i'm a pariah within my own family. i sit and have nothing to say to everyone as we eat at the table or sit around gifting. i do not enjoy it. i don't know why. most of my family that lives around here's kinda boring, but i love them. i just don't fit and don't really care about these gatherings. i just feel "meh" inside. one of my cousins is the only person who understands me as he and i both are outcasts and feel the same about these things.
-my parents harrassed me for a while asking what i wanted. i tell them nothing. i don't need anything. i did tell my mom to respect my choice of direction in life and accept that i'm not what she tried to raise me to become. she didn't like that. i know they got me random things anyways. kinda bothers me when i say it doesn't matter to me and i want nothing, and they get me stuff anyways. they're just generous and love to give, but i still would like them to understand that i'm content as i am. i'm happier just sitting and keeping to myself or watching them smile. i do like to give gifts. it pleases me to please them.
-so it went as i expected. got a bunch of random crap. my sister got me the most useful gift, a dark blue dress shirt. never had blue. i like dressing nice. mostly as an excuse to wear ties. ties are good. i mostly made myself scarce. talked to my grandpa about college. pretty unfulfilling day.
-i enjoy hanging out with my sister. i missed her, good to see her again.
-i hope everyone enjoys their holidays and is happy. that would please me.
jillamin:
merry christmas darling! thanks for the comments!