so usually before my girl goes to sleep, she texts me and i call her because i have the long distance plan so it doesnt charge up her cell bill like crazy, i went to bed early on because i have to work today and so she texted me when she was finally done reading for the evening. One of the things she brought up was our poly relationship, she really wants this, but she said she might have to amend the rules a bit, she said one of the things that bothered her about my past relationships is that she never got the chance to meet any of them. So she started thinking about the poly thing and while she really does want it to work it made her cry a bit at the same time, she said she might amend it from the 2 - 3 date thing to meeting anyone i date, or before i have sex with them meeting them first (she says for at least the first little while). Normally im not one to complain about things and i put up with a lot, but what really frustrates me about this whole thing is, for 1 i am already going into this as an uphill battle, she already has someone she can date (i have already met him, he is also going to give us a run down on poly relationships because he has been in these situations before), i find it HARD to meet girls and date them as is, it seems so far like from the dating sites ive checked out a lot of people are looking for someone who is single already, so not only would it be a difficult task finding someone to be my girlfriend, but now amending the rules to basically include no sex until she meets this girl (which she doesnt even know if simple vid chat would be enough or i would have to wait tilll they meet in person, if she wants to wait to meet them in person thats an even HIGHER uphill battle because of how far away she lives and the fact she does NOT come up much more then 3 or 4 times a year TOPS). A couple of my biggest fears with the poly relationship is that i might not find anyone AT ALL who would be open to that fact which basically leaves me in the dust, or that she is going to amend the rules so much its going to make it physically impossible for me to see anyone else. i already started fearing she would want to amend the rules even before she discussed them with me tonight so i'm already seeing these fears come to light, which really has me fearing that i would have to start screening against girls of a certain size, something i am NOT willing to tolerate. She has been a bit jealous at times before so another HUGE fear of mine is that she is going to take a look at the person i date, find something wrong with her and make a big deal of it just so i cant date her, she is a bit self concious as well about her appearance so if i just so happen to get into something with someone who has a more toned figure, how is that going to toy with things?
The worst part is i don't really care who she dates, who she sleeps with or meeting this guy before any of the above, and so it really feels like an unfair playing field, and thats the part that REALLY bugs me, this has been rolling around in my mind since i got off the phone with her like 2 and a half hours ago, and not only do i STILL have to work today, i have to be up in like 3 hours so this day is going to REALLLLY suck.
i will talk to her about this tomorrow some more, maybe i should have before ranting about it on a blog, but if i dont get out what im feeling i also fear i may get annoyed when discussing it with her and that wouldnt be constructive towards this whole thing -_-
The worst part is i don't really care who she dates, who she sleeps with or meeting this guy before any of the above, and so it really feels like an unfair playing field, and thats the part that REALLY bugs me, this has been rolling around in my mind since i got off the phone with her like 2 and a half hours ago, and not only do i STILL have to work today, i have to be up in like 3 hours so this day is going to REALLLLY suck.
i will talk to her about this tomorrow some more, maybe i should have before ranting about it on a blog, but if i dont get out what im feeling i also fear i may get annoyed when discussing it with her and that wouldnt be constructive towards this whole thing -_-