Dear world, you know, one thing that I’m not only beginning to realize, but accept, is how despite my depressed ways and/or thoughts, I have always had this sort of arrogant maybe even narcissistic thinking pattern of how in any given situation, whether I have read it somewhere or seen it in the news, I’ve always been able to imagine myself in that situation and the things I would do. For example, if I were president, I’d immediately start building factories or business facilities in the inner city. I believe that this would be a great way to lower crime and addiction. This is just a thought. It is not something I go around promoting everywhere. Also, I’d ditch the fancy dinner parties and go work with people throughout the country and assist in any shape or form on whatever local project that place might have going on at the time.
Another example, if I heard that you were having problems paying your electric bill, I would imagine myself doing something that would help you pay it. Keep in mind, this is just imagining things, I have rarely ever actually helped someone. Here’s the thing though, I’m very proud to tell the world that when I have done good deeds, I never want them to be recognized. It comes as a shock to me when someone tells me “hey, remember that time when you bought us dinner or bought that gift?” Shock, because it’s very difficult for me to believe that I put aside my compulsive degenerate gambling problem to the side, and thought about someone else.
The point I’m trying to make here is that I sure as fuck am no saint, I am not some kind of good deeds person, nor am I always right. However, when I see blatant ignorance, I have no control over my thoughts of anger and disappointment with society. This News article is one such example. This motherfucking congressman needs to shut up and go crawl in a hole and rot away his worthless life away, just like I do to myself when I gamble away all my monthly income within two days. I shouldn’t be alive, I don’t contribute anything positive to society, and he doesn’t either.
First off, being a racist has got to be one of the most low IQ things a human being can do with their life. Judging, denying, harming another human being because of their skin color is ridiculously stupid. Yeah, ok, it’s nice to say that, but my opinions don’t do jack fucking shit for the little five year old girl living in the inner city who in five hours will be shot. My opinions don’t do a goddamned motherfucking thing for the kid who is growing up in an environment where poverty is the norm and ‘a way of life’. My opinions don’t do anything to help the single mom working two jobs just so that she can provide for her three children.
To comment on the news story, the USA was and continues to be a socio-economic disaster based on hypocrisy and fake ideas and values. A constitution based on the idea that ‘all people are equal’ and yet written and approved by slave owners. Again, I’m not claiming to be this super intelligent person, in fact, I’d say I’m extremely average, but how is it possible to believe in this hypocritical bullshit? Sorry, I just cannot grasp this..
This is why I firmly believe in guns. Everyone should own a gun. Do I believe in gun rights? Am I this fanatical conservative who will fight until my death to protect your right to own a gun? Fuck no. I firmly believe that everyone should kill each other to help the earth. I have so much respect and love and awe for nature and ‘the grand scheme’ of how things operate. I don’t give a fuck about people. People to me (and I’m referring to society in general) are tiny narcissistic imbeciles who think they know better than everything.
I’ve always imagined myself doing these good deeds for people, but I usually end up isolating myself and gambling and just not caring. Not caring for you or myself. Here’s the thing though, when I do a mock interview with a student and give them some tips like always maintain eye contact, sit up straight, and smile, I’m actually helping someone, and I’m actually caring about someone else. I’m beginning to realize and accept this.
Maybe if I start seeing success stories about how a little tip regarding an interview helped a person with their career, I won’t be so negative and harsh.