If anyone reading this has some suggestions for where to get actual, educational, relevant news stories, please chime in. I usually open up yahoo and go from there. I know yahoo is probably not the best place to go for news, but it justs seems that any other 'popular' news website seems more 'loaded' with whatever their agenda is, again not saying Yahoo doesn't have an agenda but it just seems more balanced as far as news coverage goes. This weekend was very different though. It seemed as though 9 ouf of 10 headlines were either about the Santa Fe school shooting or the Royal wedding. I really want to do a blog on guns and schools and bullying and rejection and having no friends and learning to keep your shit together, but quite frankly, I don't have the patience or motovation and also more frankly, I'm just not any of those and a real true piece of shit to even post any of my thoughts on those issues publicly because I'm afraid of being judged. The fact of the matter is, if someone disagrees with me, I WILL take it as more of a learning experience rather than thinking the other person is trying to make fun/intimidate me but it doesn't take away from the fact that I'm scared of saying the wrong thing.
The issue that I am not afraid about being wrong on (although I have this feeling that most people on this website wouldn't think I'm wrong) is this whole royal wedding/family/upscale/prince/princess bullshit that's been plastered all over the media. And it's not something that started last week, or even last month, but rather for a whole year, hell, maybe even longer. In the sprit of a very central pillar on the path to overcome my own flaws (which is called "EVERYONE HAS THE SAME CORE WORTH") I find it very disheartening, disgusting, and makes me want to kill myself and make sure that NO ONE ELSE gives a fuck about my death because if you really care about royal weddings, I don't want anything to do with you. I am absolutely frustrated beyond limits that this shit, that this type of issue, that so much energy has been spent into these peoples lives. There are thousands of millions of people who were born the exact same godamn jesus fucking christ motherfucking way as the royals, who have no food to eat, suffer from diseases that you and I couldn't even fathom, and to even give an inkling of your or my fucks is absolutely despicable. And you know what? Thats how it works. People, normal, glutten-consuming-high fructose-syrup ingesting people, have played close attention, have put in effort of care into the royals lifestyle, and nothing for those born into heinous conditions (of which none were their own fault nor in their control). Godddammmit!!!!!!!!! Am I sounding like an illogical goon here? Because that's why I haven't posted jack shit on my own blog because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that by me voicing my opinion on how illogical I think it is for anyone, to care more about the royal wedding than those kids born in horrific conditions, Im afraid that I will be branded a psycho, a goon, and just flat out ridiculous. Thing is, who am I afraid of? Probably most people on SG.com don't give a fuck either about the royal wedding.
Ok,phew, ok, that was probably a bit too far and also probably didn't make any sense, but what I'm getting at is this fascination with celebrities. But then I'm like, but wait, you do it too??!! Hey, if I was sitting on a park bench somewhere, and Drew Barrymore sat right next to me and said "Hi", I'd probably jizz myself. But what if Drew told me "hey dude, if you don't give me all your money, I'm probably going to die," would I work ten jobs to save her? Someone who respects celebreties would. I don't think I would. Why? Am I some type of better person? No, this is just experience talking, I don't know jack, but just experience. Experience to know that we've all felt the same emotions, had or at least in the past, had some of the same urges, our hearts are beating the same time......by the way, has anyone else ever felt this sense of connection by the fact that your heart is beating at the same time?....but furthermore, experience to know "YOU GET WHAT YOU PUT IN.." It's quite simple actually, this life holds no secrets, you get what you put in. I've been saying this to myself quite frequently lately.
Anyway, to bring this to an end, I did some of my goals that I listed last week, I still have not gone to the gym (you get what you put in), I cleaned up a bit around the house and it shows (you get what you put in), have gambled as much as I could, lost lots of money and will continue to do so (you get what you put in). My family has basically thrown me out, they don't want nothing to do with me because I bring a bad name to the family name, my mother is gambling (she all but confirmed this to me) but furthermore she is lying to me, I still have not taken any medicine..............but there's one thing, one absolutely terrific piece of news, that covers up all my whining and gambling problems and that is: one of the students I did speaking lessons with got a perfect score on the speaking part of the English examination! When I found this out, I literally levitated to the sky! I felt this sense of the last seven months or so that I've been doing this have been justified. I felt that I discovered some type of 'calling'. I felt purpose. I felt useful. Obviously this student may have gotten a perfect score without me speaking to them, but to think that I played some type of role, as minimal as it might have been, is absulutely astronomical for me. I now have physical evidence that I'm good at something, that I actually can play a positive role in someones life! I now have evidence that I have a future regarding work and it is not called gambling. Not to say that I'm going to give it up or anything but I know the only way I can stop or at least curb my addiction is to replace it with something else. I now have that. Oh baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!