When I was thirteen, I heard this for the first time:
It was catchy, loud, and I related to it. I didn't think, "The music revolution is upon us!!", nor did I think "Oh this is going to change everything!". I don't know, or I guess, I can't describe what it was, but I connected with these notes, with this voice. But is it even important that I cant describe in words what I was feeling at the time? All I know is that this music was for me, not just for me, but I knew I had this sense that I had just seen something/someone who was speaking to me. Again, I cant describe it perfectly in words, but I had this sense and this sense became into an obsession.
A couple months later, I heard this:
This is the same song, well, the title of the same song, but when I heard this..........oh man, I definitley remember when I heard this live, I was transported to a completely different reality. I don't know why, I still don't know why, but it doesn't matter because I was on a mission, a mission to make every single note, every single live performance, every single interview, I was on a mission to make it a part of me. and I did and it's still inside me today. I believe in equality for everyone. I will fight to the death for gay rights, for a man to become a woman, for gays/lesbians to have children, for an end to racism, for an end to child-abuse, and for an end to rape. This is all because of Kurt that I feel this way, all these views are logical to me. So what did my mentor do? What did he feel was the right way to combat these problems? Suicide.
Shortly after his death, I bought a new album, yet another masterpiece of depression and logic. It too spoke volumes to me. It said, "I'm here to comfort you in your struggles." Again, I didn't exactly know how to express in words what the true meaning of these songs were, but I know that they were speaking my language.
Chris Cornell is probably the only artist I've heard, that when I listen to a song, I'm immediately drawn back to a memory. Black hole sun reminds me of the summer of 1994, positive summer. Like a stone always reminds me of the summer of 2002, awesome memories.
As with Nirvana, I embraced Chris's lyrics, musical style, listened to numerous interviews. This guy was speaking my language. Furthermore, Chris had a knowledge, a wealth of knowledge about himself and his struggles, but more importantly, someone who successfully dealt with these struggles. Hearing of his suicide was shocking, confusing, but quite frankly, I still don't believe it. Maybe I don't want to believe it, but I think I just don't know how to believe it. I don't know how to accept this. What does this mean? Confusion, that's the only thing I think of. Confusion.
Chester Bennington.........I always viewed Linkin Park as something revolutionary, they combined so many elements of music together...but lyrically, I certainly didn't feel as 'connected' with it, that's not to say I didn't enjoy their music, I did, but what I described about Nirvana and Chris Cornell, that wasn't there. That is, until four or five years ago:
I got it. I got it LOUD AND CLEAR and have never been more thankfull for it. I stil have more Linkin Park discovery to make, but now whenever I listen to one of their songs, I'm in the same exact vibe as with Nirvana and Chris Cornell. and now???????!! *puts face in hands*
I don't have people in my life for support. I don't have hobbies in my life for support. My support is music. Whenever listening to their music, I felt as though I had a friend and I could listen to that friend any time I wanted. It's a backbone of sorts and I'm very proud to call this music my backbone. But over the past few months, I haven't really listened to music. I tried to last week, and all I could think about was death. These were people who had a lot of wealth, relationships, they were loved by many, and yet demons from the past still got to them. It's almost as if to say, all that they had, either wasn't enough, or it didnt matter, or what it really was that they were looking for in life, they never found. I dunno, none of us really know what was going on in their heads at the time they ended their own lives. This music for me has a completely different feel to it now. I hope that with time, I will be able to enjoy their music again and that it will have the same meaning to me as it did before, but now when I listen to Like A Stone, suicide seems more logical to me. I mean afterall, what's the point of fighting these demons, if they're always going to be with you?
I dunno, I don't feel as though I've tackled this issue properly so maybe I need to talk it out more. Maybe I need more therapy. Maybe I need more blogs. Or maybe my head is in my ass and I can't see. Whatev.