I recently took a look at who is following me. I do not put a whole lot into who is following me, although I won't lie, there are a couple of people who I really wish I'd get a follow from because I soooooooo adore their work. But because most of the time I'm doing blogs about my own psychology and I usually write depressing type blogs, I do not anticipate on a whole lot of feedback, but those of you who do, I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart! People will give you a follow for a variety of reasons and each one of those reasons is ok by me. But I discovered some hopefuls who have had sets out for quite some time and I for some reason, missed out on.
This is @vex and her set vectors. Just WOW!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this set!! Both of her sets make my heart flutter!
this is @miamischievious and from her set business & pleasure. Incredible set from an incredible woman! I love ALL her sets and you all should definitely check them out!
This is @brocoli. *drool* LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! from her set soft-dreamer.
I wish I could be ten thousand different usernames and like these sets.
Back to the whole following thing though. I follow people on here because I enjoyed their art and/or enjoy talking to them and want to keep up with them, as much as they choose to share with us that is. I often wonder though, what do SG's and hopefuls think of who is following them? When a male, who is attractive, comments on a photo or blog of theirs, do they feel (not necessarily make the feeling public) more than happiness when that happens? What happens when a not so attractive male makes the same type of comment? This question I'm asking does not apply if the SG or hopeful is in a relationship, it does not apply of the SG hopeful already knows the individual either by having met them in person or perhaps interacting with them on the Silliness boards for example. I'm referring to a situation where I say "INCREDIBLE" to a set which belongs to a model whom I've never interacted with at all and vice versa. I'm bringing this up because recently, I came across a hopeful who was very generous with who she was following, example, she was following 1200 people and had 600 followers. I mentioned to her how I loved her pictures and couldn't wait to see her sets. She said "thank you" and that's that. I didn't get a follow back when I followed her. Was this because I'm an ugly mofo? Did she say to herself, OMG, this is one ugly desperate person, ugh, I hope he doesn't see my pictures. Or perhaps I'm just being way to sensitive about the topic and should just shut the hell up.
Which brings me to another question. How can I show a hopeful/SG that I really enjoy their sets/blogs etc. and have them realize that I don't view them as just a set of tits and ass, but as artists and as a human being? The immediate response I give to myself is "it shouldn't matter to you if the hopeful/SG thinks you're here to ogle her and thinks you're just some fat loser who doesn't appreciate true beauty, you know who you are, and you know what you consider beautiful/art." This is in fact something I really like about myself, that I can see a woman completely naked and not think about it in a sexual nature and completely appreciate it as a work of art rather than just a sexual object.
I recently came across an SG's blog, who said she was leaving the site and would only return when they stop making tattooed barbie dolls as SG's. In my opinion, this particular individual saw one set that became a set of the day, didn't like the model, and was upset. This website prides itself on 'alternative' type models, and I personally think the vast majority of the women who chose to model for this site, are indeed 'alternative'. The thing is, this word 'alternative' leads to many stereotypes and that can be kind of dangerous, sometimes. I'm certainly guilty of putting a label on someone I see walking by with purple hair and five facial piercings.....when I see that, the first thing that I assume is "Oh, he/she definitely must LOVE punk music!" which is obviously not true. But to take this way further, how many people that you know of who are over lets say the age of 35, that dress goth, or wear more than three piercings, or color their hair pink? I don't see it too often....why? When someone who is 20 colors their hair purple and blue, and has two lip rings and a few visible dermal piercings, why are they doing this? Do they view themselves as beautiful with these? Or are they just trying to make some sort of social statement? Either way is totally totally cool in my opinion. But, what happens to us after a certain age when we don't wear these things anymore? Did we give up the lip rings because we now work in a 'professional business' environment or our job doesn't allow us to display such things and we care more about the job than displaying who we are and what we like because we now 'have to' be responsible adults? Did we realize that coloring our hair in strips of blue and green was just a thing I did when I was 20, I wouldn't like myself today if I did that? Did we get married and have kids and realized that we no longer need to show who we are as individuals, so we got rid of they eyebrow piercing? I'm reminded of the scene from American Beauty where Kevin Spacey is listening to Pink Floyd and he says "I haven't listened to this in years!"
All of this ties in to my therapy session last night: My therapist asked me to make a profile on a dating website. H O L Y FUCKKKKKKKKKK I am TERRIFIED of this! This means that I have to put myself out there and be rejected. Forget about the opportunities that may arise of this, I'm not at all focused on those, I'm focused on the rejection. Motherfucker, I KNOW, I KNOW KNOW KNOW, that if I do this, I will not get ANY, NONE, ZILCH, ZERO, responses from anyone. Why? Because number one, I live in a goddamn farming community. Forget the fact that there are over thirty thousand residents here, this place is gossip city, and everyone does know everyone else, and everyone knows where you last took a shit, who you fucked, when the last time you jerked off, what you jerked off to, whether or not you went to church.................ugh......I for the first time felt angry towards my therapist. Why did she want me to do this? Because I made the following statement: "Another thing that I like about myself is my ability for compassion.....the ability to display but also to appreciate in others." She said, look, last year, you couldn't give me one thing that you liked about yourself, and now you have given me several, I think you are ready to start dating people. I agree with her. Just not in this place. My therapist I guess doesn't know much about how society works in this environment, so I can't really blame her for bringing this up. If I were in the UK or the states for example, I"d probably feel more confident going to a bookstore or coffee shop and maybe approaching someone for conversation. Here however, it's a completely different environment. I cannot go up to a stranger who I see reading a book from an author I also like, and have a conversation with her. It is not socially allowed. Ridiculous I know. The thing is, the actual person I'd really love to meet is someone who has lots of tattoos, maybe some piercings, would love it if thay had purple/green/pink/blue hair and would love metal/punk/goth music, and be over 30 years old. Does this exist out there? Maybe in more populated areas of the world, but definitely not here. In fact, I only see one person who has blue hair...she is actually a neighbor, but she's waaaay to young for me. I don't even think I've ever said hi to her. Let me also say that I do NOT attract women. This is not to say that I will never find a beautiful woman whom I share lots in common with. What I mean though is that it sure as hell is not going to be my looks that a woman will be attracted to, but my personality, my sense of humor, that will make her like me in that way. I accept this but furthermore, the main reason my therapist is asking me to do this is because she says that women who are a bit older, do not really use looks as the main factor in trying to find a partner. That is kinda weird for me to grasp. Am I being negative on myself? Perhaps, but I just think that I'm being pragmatic. One last thing though on rejection, for at least the past decade of my life, I have chosen to live in an alternate universe of being unsociable and gambling. Why? While it has cost me lots of money and led me to suicide attempts, I was not, NEVER, rejected. Now that I am choosing to live a lifestyle of no gambling (and again I am not making any declarations on how long this will last) this means that I have to get out of this alternate universe, and start living in the one I'm in. Which means, I will be rejected. In theory however, I also will be accepted. Nevertheless, I am going to do this because I believe in my therapist and if she says do it, then I gotta do it. So here goes.
Finally, I just wanted to share the description for this website on Twitch:
We're a global sorority of badass babes of all shapes and sizes. What some people think makes us strange, or weird, or fucked up, we think is what makes us beautiful.
That's exactly what I think of this place. Excellent job whomever came up with that.
