I came across this while doing my homework pinterest board for therapy. I don't know for sure if Kurt Cobain actually wrote this but it sounds like something he'd say and it looks like his handwriting. There are so many avenues of fucked up shit I got with this that I don't even want to get into it right now. I'll just say that my goal in life is to share my experiences and views on this world with a 'soulmate' be it romantic or not.
One person who I would actually consider a soulmate is Chris Cornell. I'm listening to his latest album and am just amazed at how just about everything this individual has done artistically, I identify with. It seems as though fame and fortune haven't affected his art at all. Not one bit.
One of my most favorite songs of all time is this:
I also listened to "Fell on Black Days" and this song came out in 1994, and I sure as hell didn't necessarily understand what exactly it was about, but I sure as hell did fall in love with the song.
I am currently wrapping up a little bit of my homework projects, unfinished, but I need to sleep. I actually have somewhat of a busy day tomorrow, gym, bank, nature walk, photos, finish up collage, finish painting. But I also have to go to this office and submit an application to be accepted in a job program, apparently, there's actually a program for unemployed people above thirty. Not that I am putting a great amount of hope in this particular application, but what I am thinking more and more about is getting a summer job on an island somewhere here and I think I have some pretty good chances with that because of my English. It's further evident that I ain't leaving this country this year. I'm not ready. If I move, wherever that may be, there's no doubt I'd end up addicted and more depressed, and the consequences would be disastrous. I'd end up like while living in the US, would I pay my rent, would I neglect the two friends that I'd have, would I kill myself and this time be successful? I'm sorry world, I'm not going to kill myself just yet, as much as you want to ignore me, there is way to much fire in this body to go out like that until I get to experience what it is I want. Maybe afterwards I'll kill me cause quite frankly, I don't see much point in moving on. My family keeps pressuring me to get my shit together and get married and I just give them this blank and somewhat evil stare.
Oh, I just realized, it's Superbowl Sunday....I think this will be the second time ever in which I will not be participating in anything Superbowl related. I have not made one single bet since Thursday morning. The only sporting events that have been on my mind are those of the English Premier League because I am still doing a fantasy team with that, nothing gambling related about that by the way, but my team is sucking major balls right now :( My therapist wants me to treat this period of days in between sessions as an 'experiment'. I do not feel good about myself for not gambling these past few days. I do however feel as though there is a cease-fire in my head, I mean I was on this website 24/7. I have had plenty of activities to do to fill in the void, and I honestly can't recall any type of temptation to bet. It's just that I know most of my situation remains the same, it's just that I haven't lost any money. I still refuse to make any declarations on my addiction, it's too soon. I just hope that if I can somewhat overcome this, that I can focus on trying to stop smoking cigarettes. When will I come across this sense of self-respect? Haven't I suffered enough to even get an ounce of it? Seriously, if you can't respect yourself, what's the point of it all?