sertraline

So the thing with the German chic didn't pan out, in fact, it turned out quite disastrous. But this is nothing new. It's the same thing, same results. I need therapy badly, not cause I'm feeling low, but because I need to figure out why I'm attracted to lesbians. I have a very high suspicion that this German chic was in fact lesbo. Godmotherfuckingdammit, another lesbian that I was in love with. I spent my final two weeks of my service time in a place about an hour from here, and I went out one day in July and was at a cafe chatting with her while she was at the airport. We started talking about love and fate and I told her my feelings and she said she had a boyfriend. I was shocked because I didn't see any pictures of him/them or her mention anything of it, and her profile pic has been one of her and this other girl for months so I put two and two together. I was devastated to say the least but am quite over it. Thing is, it was another example of the same thing. I put up the expectations only to see them burst into flames. Am I addicted to self-pity? Do I like hurting? ugh... the thought irritates me.

So I'm back here in hopes of writing down my thoughts and getting some psychological relief because I got no one to turn to. I've had a paid gym membership for at least a month but don't go very often because 1) I'm busy studying for games to bet on, and 2) I haven't had the motivation to go. Naturally, I've put on weight. Naturally, I feel horrible.