CAVLDRON N1NET9EN <> SO LITTLE AND SO MUCH TIME.
[ Now playing in Demon Tribe Hollow... Ten Years Gone by Led Zeppelin from Physical Graffiti ]
Giving myself half an hour tonight to come up with something interesting, and already its proven to be a challenge. Since Ive no time to spare, though, Im thinking Ill just jump right in to whatevers foremost in the ol noodle, which is...
As much as I love film, Id never seen The Godfather until about a week ago. (Hard to believe, I know.) And Ive still never seen the sequel, though Im currently more than half way through it. One less amazing movie I also just got through watching (over the span of two evenings, which is how I typically view movies at home) was American Reunion, and though I wasnt exactly blown away (no kidding), it did remind me of where I was when its predecessor (American Wedding) came out in theaters.
That was almost ten years ago, and at that time, I was living out in Phoenix (Scottsdale, actually), and dating an amazing woman whom Ill call Anne for the sake of her anonymity. (Not that dating me implies the other party is automatically embroiled in something scandalous, just that I dont want to intrude on her privacy.)
I still miss Anne very, very much. We havent spoken in almost as long as its been since we stopped dating. (Well, perhaps less a year.) And I know now something I didnt seem to realize when we were together, which is that if we ever stopped communicating, I would forever have something to regret.
Which I do, to this day. And though she comes up in my head with fair regularity, Ive never tried to pursue her attention after being rebuffed. To be sure, she comes to mind perhaps less often than she did, say, a year ago, but my memory of her is still precise and heart-rending.
I have no reason to believe that she isnt happily married and that shes had at least one child by this time, but I dont know this for sure. Still, I dont long to be romantic with her again, but rather just to be her friend just to hear her voice.
Im relatively sure I never will hear that odd, yet lovely voice of hers again, however, so Ive resigned to have her from here on out only as a memory. Its as though shes died, and indeed I suppose she *is* dead to me, but then I have to face the likelier truth, which is that Im the one dead to her.
And its still extraordinarily painful, even almost ten years later, though it does hurt a little less with each passing year. Ill obviously never forget her, though, and I know shell be in my heart until I die.
I just know the only thing to do is treasure her memory and continue moving on. I *have* moved on; its not like Ive built a shrine to her somewhere within the deep recesses of my home. Which is mostly because I dont *have* any deep recesses in my house... just kidding. (Kidding about not having the creepy shrine thing, not about not having recesses.) And she definitely wasnt perfect, but she was a true soulmate. Actually Ive been lucky to find another such gal over the past few years, which is remarkable, because I think its true about what they say about lightning striking twice.
This (relatively) new lady and I are strictly platonic, and have been ever since two weeks after we met. Ive never expected her to behave like Anne did, and in some crucial ways, shes a more adventurous person. And Im referring, of course, to the lovely Margarette Burd.
And in the end, regarding Anne, though we never had formal parting words, I think of her lasting image in a particular way relating to music. Its a song called The Golden Path, which is a collaboration between the Chemical Brothers and Wayne Coyne (of the Flaming Lips), and its a track that came out when Anne and I were dating that I played for her. (She didnt dig it quite as much as I did.) And near the end of the song, Wayne sings, in a pleading voice, Please forgive me; I never meant to hurt you.
And after a few iterations of this, a thin chorus of falsetto answers back, You are forgiven.
Id like to think Anne has forgiven me.
-- Y
[ Also playing in Demon Tribe Hollow... The Golden Path (Ewan Pearson Extended Vocal Mix) by The Chemical Brothers & Wayne Coyne from The Golden Path ]
[ Now playing in Demon Tribe Hollow... Ten Years Gone by Led Zeppelin from Physical Graffiti ]
Giving myself half an hour tonight to come up with something interesting, and already its proven to be a challenge. Since Ive no time to spare, though, Im thinking Ill just jump right in to whatevers foremost in the ol noodle, which is...
As much as I love film, Id never seen The Godfather until about a week ago. (Hard to believe, I know.) And Ive still never seen the sequel, though Im currently more than half way through it. One less amazing movie I also just got through watching (over the span of two evenings, which is how I typically view movies at home) was American Reunion, and though I wasnt exactly blown away (no kidding), it did remind me of where I was when its predecessor (American Wedding) came out in theaters.
That was almost ten years ago, and at that time, I was living out in Phoenix (Scottsdale, actually), and dating an amazing woman whom Ill call Anne for the sake of her anonymity. (Not that dating me implies the other party is automatically embroiled in something scandalous, just that I dont want to intrude on her privacy.)
I still miss Anne very, very much. We havent spoken in almost as long as its been since we stopped dating. (Well, perhaps less a year.) And I know now something I didnt seem to realize when we were together, which is that if we ever stopped communicating, I would forever have something to regret.
Which I do, to this day. And though she comes up in my head with fair regularity, Ive never tried to pursue her attention after being rebuffed. To be sure, she comes to mind perhaps less often than she did, say, a year ago, but my memory of her is still precise and heart-rending.
I have no reason to believe that she isnt happily married and that shes had at least one child by this time, but I dont know this for sure. Still, I dont long to be romantic with her again, but rather just to be her friend just to hear her voice.
Im relatively sure I never will hear that odd, yet lovely voice of hers again, however, so Ive resigned to have her from here on out only as a memory. Its as though shes died, and indeed I suppose she *is* dead to me, but then I have to face the likelier truth, which is that Im the one dead to her.
And its still extraordinarily painful, even almost ten years later, though it does hurt a little less with each passing year. Ill obviously never forget her, though, and I know shell be in my heart until I die.
I just know the only thing to do is treasure her memory and continue moving on. I *have* moved on; its not like Ive built a shrine to her somewhere within the deep recesses of my home. Which is mostly because I dont *have* any deep recesses in my house... just kidding. (Kidding about not having the creepy shrine thing, not about not having recesses.) And she definitely wasnt perfect, but she was a true soulmate. Actually Ive been lucky to find another such gal over the past few years, which is remarkable, because I think its true about what they say about lightning striking twice.
This (relatively) new lady and I are strictly platonic, and have been ever since two weeks after we met. Ive never expected her to behave like Anne did, and in some crucial ways, shes a more adventurous person. And Im referring, of course, to the lovely Margarette Burd.
And in the end, regarding Anne, though we never had formal parting words, I think of her lasting image in a particular way relating to music. Its a song called The Golden Path, which is a collaboration between the Chemical Brothers and Wayne Coyne (of the Flaming Lips), and its a track that came out when Anne and I were dating that I played for her. (She didnt dig it quite as much as I did.) And near the end of the song, Wayne sings, in a pleading voice, Please forgive me; I never meant to hurt you.
And after a few iterations of this, a thin chorus of falsetto answers back, You are forgiven.
Id like to think Anne has forgiven me.
-- Y
[ Also playing in Demon Tribe Hollow... The Golden Path (Ewan Pearson Extended Vocal Mix) by The Chemical Brothers & Wayne Coyne from The Golden Path ]