Slowly getting over it. I'm a firm believe that my spiritual condition affects my physical condition and I've had a fever all day of around 100.1. I get it down and it goes back up. I think it's breaking for good now. I'm starting to feel better physically.
I smashed a phone up against a wall last night. The night before I almost murdered my cousin. He's a pot stirring little 26 year old punk who, according to my ego, doesn't know WHO THE FUCK I AM. He tried to drag my dad up into some family drama when we don't even go around that part of the family. We see them about 2 times a year. I'm all good if you fuck with me but DON'T and I mean DON'T fuck with my dad.
I still don't know where I am with this. He's suddenly desided that he wants to get sober so he's showing up at AA meetings I attend. I admit that even with 18 years I went there with him. Right in front of the intergroup office. It was ugly. I stopped short of grabbing him by his fucking windpipe. Think it all stopped there? No. Next day he fucking tells another lie and put my dad's name in it. OH FUCK ME!
Dad, ever the voice of reason, is telling me AA shit. Go figure. For 18 years he's around me and has picked up the stuff. He's saying things like, "They're winning." "Kristin, they can say it but it doesn't make it so." ARrrrrrrrrrgggggggg, I just want to hurt these muther fuckers. Little and Big Denny mostly but anyone else who'd like to step up can feel my wrath if they'd like.
Funny thing is, they are talking smack but not to my face. Everyone is right. You can't go to the person you're talking smack about if the smack you're talking is bullshit in the first place. This truely had nothing to do with me. WTF. Cowards. I heard this shit's been swirling around and I went straight to the horse's mouths. There ain't no fear in this bitches heart. I can be straight fucking brutal just like the good old days if need be and these fucking idiots forget where I came from. Who I was and can be when pushed over the edges.
I've worked for 18+ years to tame my beast and it took like 3 sentences from these 2 assholes for it to come to life again. The only thing different is that I am TRYING like a mother fucker to NOT hurt these fuckers. 18 years ago they'd have already been in the hospital with broken bones. I'm a hands on kinda person and I don't NEED no fucking guns even though I'm licensed for c.c. I'd rather put my hands on you. More personal that way.
See how fucking sick in my head I am right now. Pray for me you guys. Being in recovery and having a God doesn't always keep the sickness from coming out to play. I can only do progress today by NOT putting my hands on them until I've really processed shit out.
Thanks for letting me vent this shit. It's really all I got right now. Venting. The alternative is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy UGLY. UGLY.
DON'T FUCK WITH ME AND MINE. GOT IT? You fucking Jerry Springer white muther fucking trailer trash.
I smashed a phone up against a wall last night. The night before I almost murdered my cousin. He's a pot stirring little 26 year old punk who, according to my ego, doesn't know WHO THE FUCK I AM. He tried to drag my dad up into some family drama when we don't even go around that part of the family. We see them about 2 times a year. I'm all good if you fuck with me but DON'T and I mean DON'T fuck with my dad.
I still don't know where I am with this. He's suddenly desided that he wants to get sober so he's showing up at AA meetings I attend. I admit that even with 18 years I went there with him. Right in front of the intergroup office. It was ugly. I stopped short of grabbing him by his fucking windpipe. Think it all stopped there? No. Next day he fucking tells another lie and put my dad's name in it. OH FUCK ME!
Dad, ever the voice of reason, is telling me AA shit. Go figure. For 18 years he's around me and has picked up the stuff. He's saying things like, "They're winning." "Kristin, they can say it but it doesn't make it so." ARrrrrrrrrrgggggggg, I just want to hurt these muther fuckers. Little and Big Denny mostly but anyone else who'd like to step up can feel my wrath if they'd like.
Funny thing is, they are talking smack but not to my face. Everyone is right. You can't go to the person you're talking smack about if the smack you're talking is bullshit in the first place. This truely had nothing to do with me. WTF. Cowards. I heard this shit's been swirling around and I went straight to the horse's mouths. There ain't no fear in this bitches heart. I can be straight fucking brutal just like the good old days if need be and these fucking idiots forget where I came from. Who I was and can be when pushed over the edges.
I've worked for 18+ years to tame my beast and it took like 3 sentences from these 2 assholes for it to come to life again. The only thing different is that I am TRYING like a mother fucker to NOT hurt these fuckers. 18 years ago they'd have already been in the hospital with broken bones. I'm a hands on kinda person and I don't NEED no fucking guns even though I'm licensed for c.c. I'd rather put my hands on you. More personal that way.
See how fucking sick in my head I am right now. Pray for me you guys. Being in recovery and having a God doesn't always keep the sickness from coming out to play. I can only do progress today by NOT putting my hands on them until I've really processed shit out.
Thanks for letting me vent this shit. It's really all I got right now. Venting. The alternative is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy UGLY. UGLY.
DON'T FUCK WITH ME AND MINE. GOT IT? You fucking Jerry Springer white muther fucking trailer trash.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
venting whether it be thru writing or just talking to someone can be cathartic. but its good to get stuff like that out, especially if its got ya pissed off or angry. its good to blow off some steam, but being non violent shows how you've changed over the years. you should give yourself some props on that one!