seraphina

I got lost in London tonight. As I wondered the streets, I somehow knew I had just walked them yesturday. It was all so different. The same.
I gave up actually trying to find my way and decided to space out and feel my surroundings unstead of watch them. I passed a group of what I seem to remember as jesters. I heard some crude remarks from drunk men around the market and I daydreamed about all of the things I wished I had said/done to them.
I suddenly felt very alone. I felt the worste kind of lonliness. The kind where you aren't alone, but no one exists anymore. I admit I've become a bit of an insomniac, but, at least, I find myself more predictable now.
I started to hear phrases and sections of books in my mind as I stared at the cobblestone walkway. A car started to drive towards me, and I suddenly felt they would carelessly run me over. I felt I should lie down so they would turn and it would be over. Then I realized both of my legs where fine and I had no Faber to run to. No stream to walk by. No friends to make on my way. Nothing to give. Nothing.
Is that what it is? Is that what I am? I am empty.
Maybe just too full.
I feel my life flit by my heart now. I wish we could both get visa cards and live out here. Then you would no longer just exist in dreams, memories, and false realities.
I've done a lot of meaningless jabber just now and I am starting to doubt my ability to send this entry. I shall send it now before I chicken out. I guess I am sending you sort of stream of consciousness.
I'm going to go back in my room now.