11 simple rules for being a reaaaaaaal asshole...
These may be more specific to Southern California, but this is the sort of shit I have to deal with on a regular basis.
1) If you have a tribal sun tattooed around your navel, you're a fucking asshole.
2) If you have been indoors for more than 10-minutes and you're still wearing sunglasses (and for goddam sure if it's nighttime), you're a fucking asshole.
3) If you're shirt is tighter than your asshole, you're a fucking gay ass asshole.
4) If you have spinners on a car that costs less than $25,000, you're a fucking asshole.
5) If you talk on your cell phone while you're in a restaurant, you're a fucking asshole.
6) If you try to rock sandals with dress pants, you're a fucking asshole. (Sneakers with vintage suits, however, is totally badass.)
7) If you come to a screening dressed like it's the Oscars, you're a fucking asshole. (It's a SCREENING, not a PREMIER asshole!)
8) If you are a boy and you carry a Louis Vuitton messenger bag, you're a fucking asshole.
9) If you try to get me to donate money to your fucking AIDS walk, you're a fucking asshole. (Wear a rubber and you won't have to walk around all goddamned day raising money.)
10) If you used to be on an MTV show and now you serve me my omelet at the Saddle Ranch, you're a fucking asshole.
11) If you think it's a threat to me or a motivator that "if you don't comment on my profile I will have to delete some of you" then you're a fucking asshole. Seriously, look at my pics, do you think I give a fuck if I'm on your fucking list or not?
These may be more specific to Southern California, but this is the sort of shit I have to deal with on a regular basis.
1) If you have a tribal sun tattooed around your navel, you're a fucking asshole.
2) If you have been indoors for more than 10-minutes and you're still wearing sunglasses (and for goddam sure if it's nighttime), you're a fucking asshole.
3) If you're shirt is tighter than your asshole, you're a fucking gay ass asshole.
4) If you have spinners on a car that costs less than $25,000, you're a fucking asshole.
5) If you talk on your cell phone while you're in a restaurant, you're a fucking asshole.
6) If you try to rock sandals with dress pants, you're a fucking asshole. (Sneakers with vintage suits, however, is totally badass.)
7) If you come to a screening dressed like it's the Oscars, you're a fucking asshole. (It's a SCREENING, not a PREMIER asshole!)
8) If you are a boy and you carry a Louis Vuitton messenger bag, you're a fucking asshole.
9) If you try to get me to donate money to your fucking AIDS walk, you're a fucking asshole. (Wear a rubber and you won't have to walk around all goddamned day raising money.)
10) If you used to be on an MTV show and now you serve me my omelet at the Saddle Ranch, you're a fucking asshole.
11) If you think it's a threat to me or a motivator that "if you don't comment on my profile I will have to delete some of you" then you're a fucking asshole. Seriously, look at my pics, do you think I give a fuck if I'm on your fucking list or not?
Kidding. And funny.