selfcontaining

waves of heat pass over my body
the sun burning in my eyes
a deep rumbling from my soul
i am weak from not eating
i am twitching from lack of sleep
the things i see make no sense
yet i am still wandering
searching
looking for something
what it is has been hidden from my view
i feel this deep thirst for it
will...
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where did you get that crazy smile?
why don't you ever talk to anybody?
what evil thoughts are lurking in the back of your mind?
would you like to destroy something beautiful?
or perhaps you would like to play russian roullette?
sometimes as i watch the red sun sink into the horizion of a dark sky, i think of you.
i'd burn it all to...
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i was reminded once again, last evening, at how much i detest the human race.
while trying to enjoy a quiet dinner and a few drinks i was the audience to a horrific show. i sat in bewilderment as 2 young females were harrased by countless attempts by bar patrons to get into their panties. i said nothing to either of them as their eyes...
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you do





or you don't




just





get fucked

as i drift in and out of my mind, i find this reality disturbing.

all these people living around me make me sick.

i am inclined to puke as i watch them scamper through there daily lives.

i am saddened at the thought of more lives entering this world every minute.

grey people
grey food
grey buildings
grey walls

floatation
frozen thoughts
time standing still
her scent in the air
its on the verge of being expelled from my mouth yet it feels as though it is a billion miles from me
the feelings are blinding me
the only thing i have left is the dreams in the darkest recess of my mind
even these dreams are failing me now
all my thoughts turn...
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So much to do.
So much to say.
So little time.
maybe if i stopped drinking myself to sleep i could get some of this stupid shit out of the way.

nah...

that wouldn't be any fun now...
would it?

lowered my sheild...
lowered my defenses....
happier now feeling all senses...
hightened my soul, my awareness...
isn't it great being defenseless...
now i'm not protected...

i fear the cowboys will eat me up.
only time will tell....
they are so vicious.
i must consume more of the oval capsules.

when will this pain slow the blood in my viens?
she stops my thoughts...
she stops...
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I tried....
i tried very hard...
but to no avail...

I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE!!!!!
PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING STUPID!!!
If i don't kill somebody tomorrow at work it will be a goddamn miracle.

one more day...
I just keep telling myself...
one more lousy day....
I do not know what the outcome will be...
but if i don't come home in a comma or end...
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sounds of silence
inner walls of my mind caving in
i find myself in the darkness
the brisk night air fills my lungs
my thoughts wander
numbness overcomes my limbs
i wake in a pool of sweat
my stomach twisted
my heart pounding
my mind lightning fast
why didn't you finish me off when you had your chance?
leave my mind
i would stop this...
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