Someone gave me a bike:
I have always tried to find some meaning in life. I have a college degree in biochemistry and religion. I thought maybe there would be something similar between them. I found one underlying theory. In science its the first law of physics, for every action there is an equal in opposite reaction. In biochemistry, emotion is the simple reaction to a chemical change. In religion theres the yin and yang, heaven and hell, etc. In the big picture, one might even say science is an equal and opposite reaction to religion and vice versa.
Is this all life is? A reaction? What is the reaction to life, equally and oppositely? Death? We spend our time reacting to everything and in turn cause others to react to us. The same poet who told us to rage against the dying of the light also left us with this is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper.
The one thing neither could answer was what was the first action that started it all.. science cant find it in numbers and religion says have faith. Faith, by my definition, is the equal and opposite reaction to fear.
Finding no answer there, I tried love. After the death of my son and fianc, and then the most recent breakup of my 5 year relationship, Im devastated. ( not going for sympathy, just conveying emotion.) Naturally, it doesnt show people can still act how they used to on the outside.. but inside its hell. The pain is so bad you just want to forget it happened.
A simple question keeps me up at night. When did forgetting begin to define me? it seems when its all over, you ask yourself if the pain was worth it..but you only hurt as much as you loved equally and oppositely so in the end, it zeros out does this mean nothing matters?
Selfishly, I want to matter. I used to like to think I was unselfish in trying to do this by just giving everyone and anyone all the empathy and understanding I could.. Ive found that all people do is take and take and rip pieces of you away until you have nothing more to give.. and thats where the selfishness comes in.. subconsciously, I hope that itll happen back to meI know thats the wrong motivation but alas, its a human instinct to want to be defined and noticed by another human.. for if we arent defined by anyone but ourselves.. do we matter? I was thinking about a time I went to a movie alone, and went to laugh, but upon looking over and seeing no one, I did not.. why laugh if no one can tell your laughing(coincidentally I answered that old if a tree falls in a forest and no one sees it, does it make a sound? question then)
I like to think that I would never take something from someone without showing my appreciation equally reacted. I just havent really ever been helped out or given anything, so when it happens Im not sure what to do. so I just have to say, thank you so much for the bike and your kindness.. I dont have much to give back except for the above words.. all I have to share is pieces of thoughts that go through my head.. if nothing else.. its something to think about.
For after all, we are all our own world, as Orwell put it in 1984 on the battlefield, in the torture chamber, on a sinking ship, the issues you are fighting for are always forgotten, because the body swells up until it fills the universe and even when you are not paralyzed by fright or screaming with pain, life is a moment to moment struggle against hunger, or cold or sleeplessness, against a sour stomach or an aching tooth.
If you love someone you dont want them to suffer, you want to take their sufferings on yourself.. If even I feel this way, why doesnt god? -T.S. Elliot (I believe this was an early draft of track 4 by this band you might be familiar with.) heh
People say all you should want of life is to just be happy.. I already was happy, I got what I wanted and its gone. Everything else after that will only remind you of your original joy, and then its loss. -- Your Friend,
wes
I have always tried to find some meaning in life. I have a college degree in biochemistry and religion. I thought maybe there would be something similar between them. I found one underlying theory. In science its the first law of physics, for every action there is an equal in opposite reaction. In biochemistry, emotion is the simple reaction to a chemical change. In religion theres the yin and yang, heaven and hell, etc. In the big picture, one might even say science is an equal and opposite reaction to religion and vice versa.
Is this all life is? A reaction? What is the reaction to life, equally and oppositely? Death? We spend our time reacting to everything and in turn cause others to react to us. The same poet who told us to rage against the dying of the light also left us with this is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper.
The one thing neither could answer was what was the first action that started it all.. science cant find it in numbers and religion says have faith. Faith, by my definition, is the equal and opposite reaction to fear.
Finding no answer there, I tried love. After the death of my son and fianc, and then the most recent breakup of my 5 year relationship, Im devastated. ( not going for sympathy, just conveying emotion.) Naturally, it doesnt show people can still act how they used to on the outside.. but inside its hell. The pain is so bad you just want to forget it happened.
A simple question keeps me up at night. When did forgetting begin to define me? it seems when its all over, you ask yourself if the pain was worth it..but you only hurt as much as you loved equally and oppositely so in the end, it zeros out does this mean nothing matters?
Selfishly, I want to matter. I used to like to think I was unselfish in trying to do this by just giving everyone and anyone all the empathy and understanding I could.. Ive found that all people do is take and take and rip pieces of you away until you have nothing more to give.. and thats where the selfishness comes in.. subconsciously, I hope that itll happen back to meI know thats the wrong motivation but alas, its a human instinct to want to be defined and noticed by another human.. for if we arent defined by anyone but ourselves.. do we matter? I was thinking about a time I went to a movie alone, and went to laugh, but upon looking over and seeing no one, I did not.. why laugh if no one can tell your laughing(coincidentally I answered that old if a tree falls in a forest and no one sees it, does it make a sound? question then)
I like to think that I would never take something from someone without showing my appreciation equally reacted. I just havent really ever been helped out or given anything, so when it happens Im not sure what to do. so I just have to say, thank you so much for the bike and your kindness.. I dont have much to give back except for the above words.. all I have to share is pieces of thoughts that go through my head.. if nothing else.. its something to think about.
For after all, we are all our own world, as Orwell put it in 1984 on the battlefield, in the torture chamber, on a sinking ship, the issues you are fighting for are always forgotten, because the body swells up until it fills the universe and even when you are not paralyzed by fright or screaming with pain, life is a moment to moment struggle against hunger, or cold or sleeplessness, against a sour stomach or an aching tooth.
If you love someone you dont want them to suffer, you want to take their sufferings on yourself.. If even I feel this way, why doesnt god? -T.S. Elliot (I believe this was an early draft of track 4 by this band you might be familiar with.) heh
People say all you should want of life is to just be happy.. I already was happy, I got what I wanted and its gone. Everything else after that will only remind you of your original joy, and then its loss. -- Your Friend,
wes
you my friend, think much in the same way i do.
its nice.
xo xo xo
Lex