i went out tonight....
well seeing as how i need to let a lot of stuff off my chest and i have no one to talk to i guess ill just type it here. not like i have many people reading my journal anyway heh... so i guess this is just for me. for thouse of you who do actually read this, im sorry for it being very long ahead of time...
well today was i guess some special day and i was talked into going out. there was this one person that really caught my eye a while ago at this club, but she said she could not make it tonight due to not having a ride. so, being the nice guy that i am i offer to pick her up and take her. she agrees. i pretty much bounce off the walls. well most of you are probably thinking oh big whoop.. she lives in another freaking state! it was a good hour drive to pick her up heh. but i didnt care, i was finally able to hang out with this person ive pretty much lusted after for a long time. its funny a lot of people told me to stay away from her, she was nothing but trouble. but i dont like listening to others ideas of a person. i need to see it for myself. on my way to pick her up i pick up another friend of mine, whom she also likes.... kinda hanging myself by taking a guy she likes with me huh? but im glad i did because i took a wrong turn and i would have been totally lost! but anyway i pick him up then head to new mexico its a nice trip, we chew the fat about this and that nothing special really... but he once again warned me... "dude, dont get hurt and dont get your hopes up" i just laughed it off. well when we finally arrive the whole trip she was talking about her last bf and how they still have... "relations" and plus my friend and her also had... "realtions" needless to say i did NOT need to hear that... but it was funny none the less and i went along for the ride. but that was pretty much the 45 min drive back to el paso... once we get to the club we start hanging out with our group of friends that we all seem to share. things are going great i guess. shes talking to me making jokes but then.... her ex bf shows up. well needless to say that was pretty much the end of that. it was so strange to me though. the ex is "seeing" this other girl.. .very sweet girl i might add but still messing around with the girl i brought. maybe its just me, maybe i was just brought up diffrent or have diffrent ideals about things. but when im seeing someone even if its not serioues i dont go around seeing other people. i pretty much go with the flow with that one person until i know if it will lead some were or it wont. but actualy as most people know about me i wont do casual realtionships. if its not something with the possiblity of lasting longer then my music career *zing!* then its not worth my time. dont get me wrong there is no hard or ill feelings twords anyone here. if she was to ask me out i would say yes in a heart beat. but still... its kinda painful being really into someone thats REALLY into someone else. lets put it this way, when the girl you take with you in hopes of maybe starting something with leaves with another guy *which happened to be her ex* you know its a VERY bad sign. to keep myself from being overly depressed i kept telling myself "hey at least i didnt have to drive back to new mexico" which was a half truth but really that would have been a small price to pay for a wonderful night out with a beautiful girl. but really the high light of my night was listening to Our Lady Peace- One Man Army on my XM radio on the ride home. my reciver can store songs for a short time on it. so i must have played that song back at least 5 times. im actually going to go out and rebuy all my our lady peace cd's. anyway moving on the club was kinda boring... not as excited as everyone said it would be. but thats okay i got to see sheryl
and here is were it gets even more heartbreaking (or intresting to you the reader) ive had a crush on her for a VERY long time. but sadly she likes you guessed it the girl i picked up's ex. and they are seeing each other. doesnt my life rock! anyway after she *the girl i picked up* left with her ex i left too. i didnt see a reason to stay anymore seeing as how the only reason i went in the first place was to hang out with her. i try not to let things get me down anymore... hell ive been single for the past 3 years. no sex, no kisses, no hugs, no nothing from a female in that time. some people would have gone mad... perhaps i have. i am wearing a kitty hoddy after all. i should be used to this... but im not sadly... its not like im out there looking either. i actually gave up trying to find love in this town. its funny most the people that show any intrest in me dont live here. and sadly most of them are visiting from out of town. so as you can guess it cant go anywere. blah... im beyond the point of feeling sorry for myself and just crying in the corner. so beyond that its not even worth it anymore.. now its 3:17 and my house is silent... not what i thought my night would have ended. not saying that id be getting lucky or anything you perverts! but i just pictured this journal update to have a happy ending. but, instead it has a slightly bitter... and hopeless one. im going to bed... at least in my dreams im not alone.
well seeing as how i need to let a lot of stuff off my chest and i have no one to talk to i guess ill just type it here. not like i have many people reading my journal anyway heh... so i guess this is just for me. for thouse of you who do actually read this, im sorry for it being very long ahead of time...
well today was i guess some special day and i was talked into going out. there was this one person that really caught my eye a while ago at this club, but she said she could not make it tonight due to not having a ride. so, being the nice guy that i am i offer to pick her up and take her. she agrees. i pretty much bounce off the walls. well most of you are probably thinking oh big whoop.. she lives in another freaking state! it was a good hour drive to pick her up heh. but i didnt care, i was finally able to hang out with this person ive pretty much lusted after for a long time. its funny a lot of people told me to stay away from her, she was nothing but trouble. but i dont like listening to others ideas of a person. i need to see it for myself. on my way to pick her up i pick up another friend of mine, whom she also likes.... kinda hanging myself by taking a guy she likes with me huh? but im glad i did because i took a wrong turn and i would have been totally lost! but anyway i pick him up then head to new mexico its a nice trip, we chew the fat about this and that nothing special really... but he once again warned me... "dude, dont get hurt and dont get your hopes up" i just laughed it off. well when we finally arrive the whole trip she was talking about her last bf and how they still have... "relations" and plus my friend and her also had... "realtions" needless to say i did NOT need to hear that... but it was funny none the less and i went along for the ride. but that was pretty much the 45 min drive back to el paso... once we get to the club we start hanging out with our group of friends that we all seem to share. things are going great i guess. shes talking to me making jokes but then.... her ex bf shows up. well needless to say that was pretty much the end of that. it was so strange to me though. the ex is "seeing" this other girl.. .very sweet girl i might add but still messing around with the girl i brought. maybe its just me, maybe i was just brought up diffrent or have diffrent ideals about things. but when im seeing someone even if its not serioues i dont go around seeing other people. i pretty much go with the flow with that one person until i know if it will lead some were or it wont. but actualy as most people know about me i wont do casual realtionships. if its not something with the possiblity of lasting longer then my music career *zing!* then its not worth my time. dont get me wrong there is no hard or ill feelings twords anyone here. if she was to ask me out i would say yes in a heart beat. but still... its kinda painful being really into someone thats REALLY into someone else. lets put it this way, when the girl you take with you in hopes of maybe starting something with leaves with another guy *which happened to be her ex* you know its a VERY bad sign. to keep myself from being overly depressed i kept telling myself "hey at least i didnt have to drive back to new mexico" which was a half truth but really that would have been a small price to pay for a wonderful night out with a beautiful girl. but really the high light of my night was listening to Our Lady Peace- One Man Army on my XM radio on the ride home. my reciver can store songs for a short time on it. so i must have played that song back at least 5 times. im actually going to go out and rebuy all my our lady peace cd's. anyway moving on the club was kinda boring... not as excited as everyone said it would be. but thats okay i got to see sheryl
and here is were it gets even more heartbreaking (or intresting to you the reader) ive had a crush on her for a VERY long time. but sadly she likes you guessed it the girl i picked up's ex. and they are seeing each other. doesnt my life rock! anyway after she *the girl i picked up* left with her ex i left too. i didnt see a reason to stay anymore seeing as how the only reason i went in the first place was to hang out with her. i try not to let things get me down anymore... hell ive been single for the past 3 years. no sex, no kisses, no hugs, no nothing from a female in that time. some people would have gone mad... perhaps i have. i am wearing a kitty hoddy after all. i should be used to this... but im not sadly... its not like im out there looking either. i actually gave up trying to find love in this town. its funny most the people that show any intrest in me dont live here. and sadly most of them are visiting from out of town. so as you can guess it cant go anywere. blah... im beyond the point of feeling sorry for myself and just crying in the corner. so beyond that its not even worth it anymore.. now its 3:17 and my house is silent... not what i thought my night would have ended. not saying that id be getting lucky or anything you perverts! but i just pictured this journal update to have a happy ending. but, instead it has a slightly bitter... and hopeless one. im going to bed... at least in my dreams im not alone. 
sehkh:
i took some pics of my new toy isnt it sexy? 