getting a little deep for once

24

i've decided to quit drinking. everybody who knows me IRL or even watches my Instagram stories knows i like to drink, and when i drink i never know when to stop.

if you are a person who can drink socially, have one or two then stop - you probably don't understand the weird mindset i have. my mum has always said to me 'you don't have an off switch' and she's right. it's like i wanna try and push myself as hard as i can to see how drunk i can get. & so funnily enough, if im drinking - i will end up a complete mess. i don't puke, shout or cry i just morph into a person that i don't like. i do/say things i don't remember. when your friends have to inform you of what you did the night before because it's a blur to you - it stops being funny pretty fast.

i'm not an alcoholic, i don't crave booze. i know what addiction is like. it's no secret i used to have a diazepam/valium addiction, i made a video about it a few years back and if you're interested - watch it here. i was the exact same with the drugs, i just didn't know when to stop - it spiralled and didn't end well.

i don't intend on becoming a hermit - i still want to go out and see my friends, just minus the alcohol. i started drinking from the age of 14 (not cute, not clever) and at the grand old age of 28 i think my body and my mind needs a freaking rest. i have a full-time job, i'm a pug mama and i love creating content for SG but right now i don't think i'm giving anything 100%, because half my free time is either spent wasted or hungover.

i don't know how to end this... i simply want to become a slightly better human.

seesaw. x

VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
hewn:
I was at a similar crossroads recently. Actually, similar isn’t even remotely correct; I was the *exact* same. Right down to the not being addicted to it. Granted, I have a love of craft beer, and I always like to enjoy one or two when I get home from work; that said, it’s when I’m out in public with friends, I’ll put away four or even five pints sometimes, and then still have another one or two when I get home. Then in the morning I’d look to see that I was up until 3 or 4 am texting or randomly calling people. Yeah, I’m that kind of drunk when I’ve passed a certain point. And that point was starting to be reached with a little more regularity than I’m comfortable admitting, but at some point—like you—I got tired of feeling like shit half the day, or internalizing the embarrassment of realizing that, once again, I lost control. So I’m drying out. Maybe soon I can go back and enjoy a pint or two with my friends, because it’s never really been about the alcohol for me, but the beers. But until I’m comfortable with being able to discipline myself to it, I’m just staying away from it for the time being. I’m proud of you. Hopefully, I can start to be proud of me too.
seesaw:
@hewn i'm proud of you already.

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