Seriously... can anything work out the way I want it to.... anything...
I love my new job and I hate my new job. I'm doing a job that I wasn't even hired for because they needed help with kennel cleaning while I waited to be trained for adoption counseling and I offered to do it. So now my life consists of waking up at 5am, cleaning cat kennels (100+ cats & kittens), getting ringworm, an upper respiratory infection that after $100 for urgent care and meds still hasn't gone away, leaving work each day barely able to breathe.
Today I was there for 9 hours and I'm only required to be there for 6 hours. I finish up the task I'm working on and the lady whose area I'm cleaning looks at me and says 'The floors still need to be done.' I looked at her all red faced and gasping for air and she says 'Oh, is your time up?' I'm like yeah, 3 hours ago bitch! So then feeling guilty, I mumble that I'll sweep the floors before I go. And she's like 'I guess I'll mop them later then.' Like she's doing me a favor!
Do you ever have the urge to just grab someone and shake them as hard as you can and scream 'What is wrong with you????' I get this urge a lot these days....
Life on the home front has been pretty hostile these days and I was denied time off work to go to one of my medieval camping events this weekend. I missed the last one as well, so I'm fairly disappointed. Other trips are falling through the cracks as well.
So while everything keeps piling on top of my head and I'm trying very hard to find those little happy moments to keep me afloat.
One of those was on the drive home from work a short while ago when the Violent Femmes came on the radio with Blister in the Sun. I love the Femmes and this song always makes me smile. So I turned it up very loud and sang along and smiled.
Well then... I just figured it out. I'm in a cosmic tunnel. Sounds pretty trippy, hey? What, you might ask, is a cosmic tunnel?
There comes a time in everyone's journey where guidance from our Inner Core, and empowerment from the Expanded Self simply seems to go away. The ceiling feels like its made of brass, causing prayers and affirmations to bounce back and smack us in the face. At the same time, all our friends and compadres seem to get on a bus (probably the same damn bus) and head right out of town, leaving no forwarding address. Circumstances go awry, and projects that we desperately need to hurry along suddenly feel as though they are bogged down in molasses. Depression reigns. Anxiety builds. Darkness closes in, all around.
This is a Cosmic Tunnel.
Yes, I know this has turned into a rather long rambling entry... but if you only knew how much this makes sense right now...
It's like the wheel... the only constant in life is change.
This too shall pass.
P.S. Happy Full Moon!
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Maybe life is a cosmic game of skee-ball, and good deeds like taking care of innocent animals at your own expense get you better prises when you're done. If so, I'd go for stuffed pink elephant when you're done.
"Dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening, love like you've never been hurt, and live like it's heaven on earth."- Mark Twain