secretagenman

I have never been this heartbroken in my life.

the girl i love and i supposed to be my girlfriend has a boyfriend, i called her and her roomate said...who's this, i told her, and she said ohh she'll be back late, she is with keioni, her boyfriend tonight.

I can't control my actions and am soo seeing nothing but red right now.

it hurts really bad, and can't hold back the tears.

i told her i lvoed her, i told her i cared, i told her i had only said it to one woman before, and it all meant shit.

i fucking meant it.

i have only meant it once before, and she didn't fucking care.

i have the worst fucking luck ever


i don't know why this shit always happens to me.


all i want is to have somoen care for me, is that so bad?

i am not the best looking person, i am more than reasonably intelligent, and do not ask for more than a simple thing...to be faithful or at least let me know you do not pln to reciprocate, so can be prepared.

i have not opened up like i have to her to anyone in over two years, well goodbye broken shell, hello more years of pain, hiding and witty sarcastic remarks as a self defense mechanism..

i thought it ws different, she told me it was, she said she felt the same way...
i am fucking blubbering and should shut up, because no one reads this shit, and no one fucking cares.
i am fucking rambling again.

god i hope she is happy.

isn't that the shit?

all i can think about is i hope this guy makes her happier than i could have,
i don't wish evil uponher, i still fucking love her.

all i want is for her to just have laughs, go dancing, read in the cover of the shade like she likes, swim naked, go surf, and lie in bed under the covers late with her cat, content as can be, all i want is for her to enjoy everything, just as long as she is happy or unhurt.

i swear to god if anyone, especially this other guy fuck it up i will make sure there is fucking hell to pay...
i just do not want to talk to her right now..
i want a friend to hold me and tell me i am worht...something.

goddamnit, i just want someone in my life who fucking cares.

i am sorry i have been such a blubbering idiot, i might have made many typos, it is hard to see through my tears.

bye all.