sebastian6

my god. i just had the most surreal, jarring experience i've had in a very long time.
The story is a long one that needs some backup so, if you're interested, you can


my friend r. asked me a few nights ago (as i was leaving his house after watching a movie) if i had my checkbook on me. i said i didn't. he said he needed me to write him a check for fifty-five bucks. i said "what're we doing, laundering money?". he said no...that he wanted to pay his dojo (he shoots kudo) for something without them knowing the money is from him. i said i could probably bring it by the next night after work. he said fine.

so after work tonight (which i left at 6pm), i walked home (i've got some great photos from my walk to and from work today)and grabbed my checkbook, hopped in my car and headed over to his place.

now, i cannot come anywhere close to describing the way my friend is. he's probably the strangest person i've ever met. and i don't mean in an eccentric, cool, hip, arty way. he is one of these guys that is the authority on everything. and he's actually quite intelligent. he's 45, has tons of life experience, is an expert in many things such as brewing beer, shooting kudo, and working on computers. but he has an ego the size of idaho. i have never in my life met someone with an ego like this...and i've met some HUUUUGE egos. what i'm telling you is no exaggeration, i swear to you. it's so bizarre. he starts every response to something you say with "no..you don't understand what i'm trying to say..." for instance...some conversation with r. start like this-

(hockey plays on the tv)
me: i really hate watching hockey.
him: you just don't understand how the game is played. it's a beautiful game.
me: i know the basic rules of hockey. it just doesn't interest me.
him: i think that if you understood the finer points of the game you'd understand
what i mean. the stuff these guys go through to...
(and on and on)

or how about buddhism.

me: i really like the stuff alan watts has written. it's inspired me to think
about buddhism, at least the philosophy in some interesting ways and actually
incorporate it into my life.
him: no..no...see alan watts is a guy that was a priest and then studied buddhism
as an adult and true japanese buddhism is a totally different thing.
me: well, he speaks about traditional buddhist practices from china and japan.
him: no...see, you don't understand what i'm saying...
(then he goes into a diatribe about that lasts about 20 minutes while i sit there
wondering why it's such an issue to him)

so that's how many, many of our conversations go. so you may ask- why do you hang out with this guy? well, he has some great qualities. he's a great talker, he's a very
generous person, and he is actually quite intelligent.

but he gets bothered if you don't agree with him. gets very bothered...in fact it makes him crazy if you say something to him like "look r., i understand what you're saying i just don't agree with it."

this is what happened tonight.

it's so murky to try to explain what we were arguing about. because to each sentence i spoke in the conversation, he spoke about 30. so okay, i'm used to this. r. likes to control the conversation and i'm usually only to happy to let him.

we were talking about a venture he's been planning with a "backer", someone "high up in the business school who has all the money lined up.". he wants to start a business with all this audio equipment (mixers, processors, etc) his "backer" has inherited. he talked to me briefly about it the previous night when i forgot my checkbook. he said wanted to start a station on satellite radio that uses all student interns to staff the hands-on positions. that this station would present student based programs like recitals, concerts, radio theatre, etc.
first i told him that satellite radio is not catching on the way they'd hoped. it's not exactly an on-fire industry. and second, if we're broadcasting stuff like radio theatre, live recitals, concerts, lectures, etc. who the fuck is going to seek that out nationwide? this is stuff you can get on public radio or community radio. and broadcast stations are so much more accessible. it just doesn't sound like something a nationwide satellite audience would give a shit about.

so there's that part.


then tonight when i came by with my checkbook ready to help him out. i told him i had an idea for a revenue stream using the audio equipment. it's not important what that stream is (radio music beds for announcers), that's not what he started lecturing me about. i told him that student interns might be a tough way to staff a full time thing. he disagreed...then i said these fateful words.

"there are two ways to get students to be consistently attentive to the project...monetary rewards or grades."

he replied: "there are other ways, most definintely!"

i said: "then tell me."

him: "i know a third and i'm not going to tell you. because you obviousely aren't thinking with vision. you instantly see limitations, instantly give up. no, better yet, i am going to tell you a third way."

me: "okay."

him: "many students are looking to the future to get real industry and business experience. many students would show up to get the experience."

me: "some might but not generally and not in the hordes you'd need."

him: "See, you just don't think anything is possible. you gotta look at the problem from
outside and not just say something wasn't work. that's not intelligent."

me: "If you want people to not think about limitations and how that might affect the whole thing."

him: "But you see a limitation because you have no vision. Are you saying it's impossible that there is a third way?"

me: "i don't think it's impossible but certainly impropable."

him: "then i don't want to work with you on this project."

me: "okay...that makes sense."

him: "dammit, you just don't get it. do you think if edison would've said to himself
'there is only these two ways to do it and no others possibilities', that he would've
done shit?"

me: "no, but i don't think that's what i'm saying."

him: "you said there are only two ways."

me: "that is my opinion...that there are two ways to motivate students in large
numbers...pay them or give them a grade and credit."

him: "i don't need people who think negative like that on this project."

me: "then you must want some pretty naive folks."

him: "no. you don't understand what i'm getting at. i'm saying that to limit yourself and
your thoughts on a project is not a way to make something good happen."

me: "i understand perfectly what you're getting at. i just happen to disagree. we just
think differently. just because i said that there are two ways, doesn't mean i think
we're trapped."

i guess he took my statement to mean- "i don't believe in your project and i think i know understand about it and without those two things (grades or monetary rewards) you are fucked. and the project will never work."

he lectured me for a good twenty minutes. the crux of his argument being this-
"we're looking for people who are willing to think big. who aren't simply making negative statement about how stuff will never work. you either think those are the ONLY two ways to get students to show up consistently or you think there are possibly other ways. it's one of those two things."

i said "it's not impossible that there are other ways, but improbable on a project the magnitude that you're talking about."

then the magic statement-
"you don't understand what i'm saying. i'm saying we need people who are willing to have VISION. who aren't just going to go from what they know, but to dream about what is possible."

i told him that i think i have vision i'm just addressing a concern.

"well, you're making nothing but negative statements!"

me: "no r. i said there are two ways to get students to show up. that's not a negative statement. it's just a statement."

then he proceeds to say i don't understand what he's getting at. and here's where it got weird. because i said i thought i knew exactly what he was getting at but that i disagree that me making those statements is necesarily me saying the whole thing won't work.

he got very incredulous and said how fucking presumptuous it was for me to say i understand HIS project and its particulars.

i told him i wasn't saying i understood his project "but i understand what you're getting at within this conversation...that you think i was being negative and lacking vision when i made the statement about the students. but i don't think i was being negative and can't we just agree that you think one way and i think the other and that's it."

him, getting really, really peeved: "you stand there and tell me you understand but we're having to goddamn different conversation here!"

me, trying to be mellow and matter of fact about the way this conversation is going:
"look, r. you think one way and i think another way and can't that just be okay?"

him: "but you don't understand the project...you say you understand what this is and automatically assign these limits when you don't even know the first thing about this project...MY project."

me, still trying to be cool: "i'm not saying i understand your project. what i am saying is that i understand what you're getting at in regards to my statement and that i disagree with it."

him: "goddammit you DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

me: "I understand perfectly, r."

him: "That's just goddamn insulting. This is fucking absurd and I think you should
remove yourself from my property right now goddammit!"

me: "you want me to go?"

him: "i want you to get off my property."

me..grabbing my phone and walking off his back porch: "i'm sorry it pissed you off, r."

the preceding argument was at best an approximation of a long, drawn out exchange of which i couldn't begin to give a real sense. let me just say that my goal beginning about halfway through was to just end the damn argument and cool it down. i just wanted to say okay, we disagree...it's cool. no biggie. but he wouldn't have it.

so, this friend of mine kicked me off his "property" just now. it was so weird. and there was another person sitting there during this WHOLE thing. a person that i had met for the first time about 30 minutes before all this took place.

now i just feel weird. like, i never got mad to the point of yelling or becoming aggressive. i just simply refused to concede that he as right and i was wrong and oh yeah, now i understand..thanks for the lecture. he couldn't stand it. it fried him up and freaked him out.

now i doubt we'll ever be friends again because he most definitely is not the sort to apologize. i'm sad and shook up and just kinda in a daze from this. i went over there to do him a favor.
-sebastian