seanbaby

My work over the last two weeks required me to watch Jean Claude Van Damme's entire filmography, sit through ten music videos performed by or conceptualized by pro wrestlers, attend a Breast Feeding for Peace rally, and play a Nintendo game about Mary Kate and Ashley learning to drive. Strangely, I kind of enjoyed all of it.

I'm going to be in San Francisco the...
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I'm still working on my Moonwalker video review with my pal from the Onion, which is not only distracting me from actual paying writing work, it is constantly forcing me to create Michael Jackson-themed profile pictures of me and Eve.

If you weren't at the Suicide Girls movie premiere at Clinton last Tuesday, and a lot of you weren't, I just posted some photos from the afterhours at Dot's: Troma Premiere Photos

And in case you came here looking to ride a rocketship to happiness, I just came across a book called 2002 Ways to Cheer Yourself Up. For only $8.95, I got 2002 brilliant...
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One of my side writing jobs is projecting astrological messages from the future. Keep in mind that all these predictions, while totally screamed to me by distant planets inhabited by violent space criminals, are not to be used for evil.

Also, if you're lucky enough to be a member of our totally fucking rad SGPDX group, enjoy these hot Anti-Valentines Photos.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24...
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Since we all got out of it alive and mostly topless by the end of the house party, and since none of us lost limbs to the walking terror of Chuck E. Cheese, I'd say this weekend's party was a triumph of rad. There were a few incidents where anonymous children would enter the curtained off secret Chuck E. area never to return, but seriously,...
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I cannot recommend Hulk Hogan's autobiography enough. I read it the other morning instead of working on this week's articles and he tells the most awesome stories about Andre the Giant. He once drank 108 beers in 50 minutes. One hundred and fucking eight, brother! There's also a story about how Andre couldn't fit on the hotel toilet, or in the hotel bathtub, so he...
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I'm back from the bay area, and I think I invented an incredible new system for avoiding hangovers-- never stop drinking. My editors at The Wave and Electronic Gaming Monthly threw at least one party every day for five days, They took me backstage at The Screaming Udders and fed me that insanely good Kobe beef from cows that only eat beer and spend every...
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I'm off to San Francisco in about 12 hours. I'm partying with the guys from The Wave, slaughtering the EGM editors in Halo, and hopefully spending the rest of the time playing with Dia.

Meanwhile, I still have to review the Playstation version of The Amazing Virtual Sea-Monkeys. And if you're reading this, Satan, good work on the Playstation version of the Amazing Virtual Sea-Monkeys.

Rocco's Part III was a lot like Rocky Part 3. We started out by fighting Thunderlips, the Ultimate Male, for charity and ended up avenging the death of Burgess Meredith in a comeback match against Mr. T. Then, like Rocky, we went to a hippie compound for a garage party. Stewd and I scoured every one of the many tiny hippie houses in the area...
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I'm back from New Years. My college pals and I pick a random city every year to celebrate it in, and this year was Salt Lake. We saw the travelling Jackass tour, a lot of Mormon statues, and the friendly SLC police were nice enough to escort us to every single thing we did after 11 pm. One night we bought breakfast for this drunk...
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