One of my side writing jobs is projecting astrological messages from the future. Keep in mind that all these predictions, while totally screamed to me by distant planets inhabited by violent space criminals, are not to be used for evil.
Also, if you're lucky enough to be a member of our totally fucking rad SGPDX group, enjoy these hot Anti-Valentines Photos.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
Despite the encouragement you're receiving from the chat rooms, the stars want you to know that most people in the film industry did not get their start by writing erotic fan fiction about Indiana Jones marrying Luke Skywalker.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
The position of Jupiter in the sky indicates that this week your revolutionary thirty minute ab workout is going to be soundly defeated by a sixty minute hot dog eating contest.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
These are changing times we're living in Capricorn, and the increased sensitivity of our society promises to cause serious problems for the production of your Savage Bunny Liquifier(tm).
Aquarius: (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
New developments at work promise to bring about change after your coworkers discover that you're the only Earthling that has yet to be assimilated to the Martian Lord's hive mind.
Pisces: (Feb. 19 - March 20)
The dozens of horrible flaming accidents about to take place will make you realize just how bad an idea it was for you and the other motorcycle daredevils to hold a "Bring Your Kids to Work Day."
Aries: (March 21 - April 19)
You can tell yourself anything you want Aries, but the stars no longer consider it "normal everyday curiosity" after your seventeenth straight hour of watching octopus pornography.
Taurus: (April. 20 - May 20)
Correction: last week when the stars said, "For Taurus, total lasting passion is felt through communication that is frank and bold," I thought they said, "Chuck Norris, was totally kickass in Delta Force 2: Operation Stranglehold." So I apologize for any confusion.
Gemini: (May 21 - June 21)
This will be a week for shocking revelations when a Japanese friend reveals to you that the Asian characters you got tattoed on your arm do not mean "Spirit of Wind," but "Caution: Contagious Butt Disease."
Cancer: (June 22 - July 22)
Despite its brilliance with musical metaphors, your message of bicycle safety translated into the moving sounds of the violin will continue to have little effect on inner city children.
Leo: (July 23 - August 22)
After you receive a merit badge for The Seductive Art of the Tango, the stars think there's a pretty good chance that your boy scout troop leader will be removed for questioning.
Virgo: (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
A song on the radio will bring back a flood of memories and help you relive moments from your past. Unforunately, the name of that song is, "Terrifying Woodshop Accident Sha Na ShaBangBang."
Libra: (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
There's no time to explain everything right now. Just immediately go out, get a cowboy suit and a parachute Get fourteen sticks of dynamite, a watermelon, and a giant tire big enough to fit two people. The stars can't say any more, but let them assure you, it's going to be sweet.
Also, if you're lucky enough to be a member of our totally fucking rad SGPDX group, enjoy these hot Anti-Valentines Photos.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
Despite the encouragement you're receiving from the chat rooms, the stars want you to know that most people in the film industry did not get their start by writing erotic fan fiction about Indiana Jones marrying Luke Skywalker.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
The position of Jupiter in the sky indicates that this week your revolutionary thirty minute ab workout is going to be soundly defeated by a sixty minute hot dog eating contest.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
These are changing times we're living in Capricorn, and the increased sensitivity of our society promises to cause serious problems for the production of your Savage Bunny Liquifier(tm).
Aquarius: (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
New developments at work promise to bring about change after your coworkers discover that you're the only Earthling that has yet to be assimilated to the Martian Lord's hive mind.
Pisces: (Feb. 19 - March 20)
The dozens of horrible flaming accidents about to take place will make you realize just how bad an idea it was for you and the other motorcycle daredevils to hold a "Bring Your Kids to Work Day."
Aries: (March 21 - April 19)
You can tell yourself anything you want Aries, but the stars no longer consider it "normal everyday curiosity" after your seventeenth straight hour of watching octopus pornography.
Taurus: (April. 20 - May 20)
Correction: last week when the stars said, "For Taurus, total lasting passion is felt through communication that is frank and bold," I thought they said, "Chuck Norris, was totally kickass in Delta Force 2: Operation Stranglehold." So I apologize for any confusion.
Gemini: (May 21 - June 21)
This will be a week for shocking revelations when a Japanese friend reveals to you that the Asian characters you got tattoed on your arm do not mean "Spirit of Wind," but "Caution: Contagious Butt Disease."
Cancer: (June 22 - July 22)
Despite its brilliance with musical metaphors, your message of bicycle safety translated into the moving sounds of the violin will continue to have little effect on inner city children.
Leo: (July 23 - August 22)
After you receive a merit badge for The Seductive Art of the Tango, the stars think there's a pretty good chance that your boy scout troop leader will be removed for questioning.
Virgo: (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
A song on the radio will bring back a flood of memories and help you relive moments from your past. Unforunately, the name of that song is, "Terrifying Woodshop Accident Sha Na ShaBangBang."
Libra: (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
There's no time to explain everything right now. Just immediately go out, get a cowboy suit and a parachute Get fourteen sticks of dynamite, a watermelon, and a giant tire big enough to fit two people. The stars can't say any more, but let them assure you, it's going to be sweet.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
azura:
T or A game, my journal, tomorrow, win a prize! 
commie:
sean, new vampire pic is up.