seamus1979

well the baby will be here soon

due date is december the 4th


god im so fucking scared
i know tasha is terrified but shes trying not to show it
we where told at the three month scan that there is a possibilty our son will have problems
its gotta be the worst day of my life and for tash as well

i probably have spoke about this before but sorry if im boring you

we went to the hospital for the three month scan
god we where so excited
the nurse done the scan for us
it was the most amazing thing i had ever seen
you read abortion arguments and they try to make out that at three months its still a little tadpole or something
but it isnt at all
its a person
my son
the nurse told us that the baby was laying at a funny angle so we should go away for half an hour and come back so it would have moved
tasha was joking that any kid of mine would have to be difficult
we went back and had another scan and then we saw the baby even better
she told us that the doctor would need to have a look because the baby had a slightly thick neck but not to worry.
we werent worried at all, i mean tasha was joking about look at my neck! of course the kid is gonna have a thick neck, as long as its not a girl with my legs as well.
so the doctor came in
the guy has the bedside manor of jack the ripper
he looks at the scan and straight away says that it shows the baby will either have downs or a heart defect
tasha is crying her eyes out
im having about a dozen emotions hit me
im worried for tasha and trying to console her
im choked about the baby
and i want to take this doctors world apart
he said it in such a bored matter of fact way like it was an inconvenience him being called in from whatever morning nap he was having
tasha had the needle in the belly to draw fluid for a chromozone count. she was suffering enough trauma as it was. god.i cant believe this was almost half a year ago.
they had to do a chromozone count so as to determine if the baby has downs or not.
it was all clear. now im still worried because i know how inefficient these cunts are. maybe my son has got downs. maybe he hasnt. i will find out very soon. did they check properly or was it another bored person at work not doing his job right?
the next road was cardiologists.
im working on chancery lane which is right besides great ormond street hospital. so i went in and got my job started and met tasha at 10 for her appointment. the scan showed the baby has a healthy heart and the swelling of the neck was all gone.
now were told there is no more tests to take after the infection checks
we went through the viral infection checks and all those came back clear.
i have to admit one thought that terrified me was the std checks. maybe i had picked up some dormant infection from years ago and passed it to tasha? well no. thank fuck.
so now we have been playing the waiting game.
were told the only other possibilities are genetic problems that will show at birth. im terrified. could my son be blind? deaf? i took tasha to a private doctor and he scanned her for an hour. it was the best 150 pound ever spent. physically the baby is perfect. all the bones and muscles are growing fine.
now all im thinking about as well is mental problems.
tasha is a special needs teacher and i have met the kids she works with. there great kids. but they struggle in life

i dont want my son to struggle
the college i go to is an adult training college. it also caters for teenage children with difficulties. it breaks my heart seeing them. poeple underestimate them. i mean just because someone has the mental age of a 5 year old doesnt mean anything. i know some pretty smart 5 year olds.

what also scares me is i have 15 nephews and neices who are perfect. not one problem. my family cant be that lucky can it? lol. well we do have problem that all the guys share. well heres a family secret. every guy in my family has had to be circumcised because of tight foreskin. lol.
also my nephew yus (little dude in my pic with me who i love so much) has no cartilidge in his left ear so his ear sticks out a little and its cute. god girls actually like it. anyway enough talking about my nephew.

so thats what im feeling right now. its almost one am in the morning. i cant sleep thinking about my son.
im up at 4am for work and im out till late.
i have college from 6pm till 9.30pm and its like an hours drive back to tashas. god im gonna need some red bull tomorrow.

i hope everyone is ok.
im sorry i bored you all with my post but i figured if i just wrote down how im feeling it might make me feel better.