sealion

190 points.
10 kilometers.
10 check points.
At least 5 kayak crashes.
2.5 hours.
1 cracked elbow.
1 bruised left arse cheek.

Team Norks-A-Lordy completed the Bristol Rat Race with great aplomb!

We may have not placed very high but we made it around and had a LOT of fun!

Highlights include:

• Singing (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction out of time and out of key in The Lanes with two awesome Japanese dudes, as part of Check Point 2.


• Being rolled up a hill in a sumo seat by my team mate Shelley.


• Trying to find 'the bench on Regents Street' that I am entirely sure DIDN'T ACTUALLY EXIST!


• Running around Zero Degrees for 10 minutes looking for an alternative entrance, then discovering that the main entrance was the one we were supposed to be going through after all. We then got to have half a pint in there as part of the Check Point Challenge, so it was worth the effort.


• 'The Box'. Actually, this wasn't a highlight, it was actually pretty horrible. One of the check points was just called 'the box' which we soon discovered was an 8ft square inflatable cube with an open top. The idea was to hoist one team member into it, they jump down into the 2ft of water, then they climb back out again and collect the points... Except on the first attempt to scale the smooth, inflatable, rubber wall that was a good 3ft taller than me, I stacked it, fell backwards and landed on the concrete. Attempt 2 was far more successful but trying to get out of the bloody thing was nearly impossible! The foot holes were up by my face! I might be flexible but give me a break! I then had to run around soaking wet for the rest of the race...


• Kayaking in the river Avon... with no paddle and no sense of how to steer a bloody kayak! We crashed. A lot. Honestly, it was like a small scale Titanic catastrophe!


• The MASSIVE amounts of swearing to come out of myself and Shelley! Sailors ain't got nuthin' on us.


• The running joke of "I'm sweating like a..." with the ending of the sentence getting worse and worse.


• Orgasmic doughnuts... HARDER! GIVE ME THE DOUGHNUTS HARDER!


• The first drink after the race. Sailor Jerry rum has never tested so good!

So, despite feeling and looking like death, we did well! Definitely doing it next year!

In other news, I have to say a special hello to someone. You know who you are. Morning!