WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?
ARIES (March 21-April 18)- You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come in contact with. You are a PRICK!
TAURUS (April 19th-May 19th)- You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and stick-to-itiveness because you never do anything right the first time. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are such an asshole.
GEMINI (May 20-June 20)- You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
CANCER (June 21-July 21)- You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. This makes you a sucker. You always keep putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.
LEO (July 22-Aug 22)- You consider yourself a born leader. Everybody else thinks you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are thieving bastards and enjoy masturbating more than sex.
VIRGO (August 23-September 20)- You are a logical type and hate disorder. Your nit-picking attitude is sickening to your co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while having sex. If you are male, you are probably 4'9 and neurotic. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA (September 21-October 22)- You are the artistic type and have trouble with reality. If you are male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
SCORPIO (October 23-November 21)- The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of your success because of a total lack of ethics. You are a perfect sonofabitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
SAGGITARIUS (November 22-December 20)- You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Saggitarians are drunks. Nixon was a Saggitarius. You are indeed a worthless piece of shit.
CAPRICORN (December 21-January 20)- You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken-shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?
AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)- You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a stupid jerk. Aquarians enjoy sucking cock.
PISCES (February 20-March 20)- You have a vivid imaginations and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting what you mistake for power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
ARIES (March 21-April 18)- You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come in contact with. You are a PRICK!
TAURUS (April 19th-May 19th)- You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and stick-to-itiveness because you never do anything right the first time. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are such an asshole.
GEMINI (May 20-June 20)- You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
CANCER (June 21-July 21)- You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. This makes you a sucker. You always keep putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.
LEO (July 22-Aug 22)- You consider yourself a born leader. Everybody else thinks you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are thieving bastards and enjoy masturbating more than sex.
VIRGO (August 23-September 20)- You are a logical type and hate disorder. Your nit-picking attitude is sickening to your co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while having sex. If you are male, you are probably 4'9 and neurotic. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA (September 21-October 22)- You are the artistic type and have trouble with reality. If you are male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
SCORPIO (October 23-November 21)- The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of your success because of a total lack of ethics. You are a perfect sonofabitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
SAGGITARIUS (November 22-December 20)- You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Saggitarians are drunks. Nixon was a Saggitarius. You are indeed a worthless piece of shit.
CAPRICORN (December 21-January 20)- You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken-shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?
AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)- You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a stupid jerk. Aquarians enjoy sucking cock.
PISCES (February 20-March 20)- You have a vivid imaginations and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting what you mistake for power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.