From a young age I struggled with being able to love myself. I had very low self-esteem since elementary and I was bullied from then through middle school. Although I found my niche in high school I still struggled with my body image and self-care. My depression and anxiety became so bad I couldn't go to school to see my friends or attend my favorite classes (Art and Theatre). I developed a binge eating disorder and ultimately lost the ability to take care of myself. Before the pandemic I started CBT and DBT therapy and started attending anxiety groups. For a year I was able to take control of my life and hold myself accountable for the changes I wanted to see in my life. I had outlets I have never had before and support from complete strangers. I had never had that before from family or friends. I started eating better, exercising, and growing in new ways. When the pandemic took away group therapy, gyms, getting together, and took away a sense of normalcy, shit got hard. It felt like all of the progress I had made was just throw away by the pandemic. It doesn't get easier, but there is no gain without pain. Learning to love yourself over again, especially during a pandemic is hard. I am no where near where I was before this thing, but I am doing okay. I am lucky to say I was lost and have found myself again.
This picture means more to me than anything right now. This was shot at my first shoot back in October the day before my birthday. I had only been modeling for a couple months at the time and it was also where I shot my first hopeful set. It is where I met some awesome people who I am so lucky to call my friends. It's where it all started and this is my absolute favorite picture of me to this day! It is the one where I feel the most beautiful. It is not just a memory, but a reminder of my commitment to myself and my own personal growth. Thank you so much @seitan for sharing your talent with me. You are an amazing photographer and friend. Thank you for inspiring and supporting me, always. I can't wait to make more magic with you! Thank you so much for being here with me on this journey! I can't wait for this pandemic to be over to be able to reconnect with all of my friends! I love and miss you all, thank you for believing in me.
@missy @penny @lemon @eirenne
