Well it is nighttime once again. Lately this has been a really hard time for me. It is when my demons get the best of me. So rather than cut, which is what I desperately want right now, I am writing this blog. Don't feel like you have to respond to it, it is just the rambling of a girl trying to be strong. I have gone for so long with out my crutch, why do I want it so badly again. To be honest I don't know if I would have really quit cutting had I not gotten my tattoo. But I could start again now and it would take people a while before catching on. After all, I wear long sleeves to work and most people don't really pay attention anyway. I guess it is the hope that it will once again be that lovely distraction from my emotional pain. But I know better, I know the only way to make that pain to go away is to deal with it and not complicate the situation by giving into my other urges. I know that the day after I will feel incredible guilt and remorse about giving in, thus making me feel worse. But I shouldn't even be here. I should have this think kicked in the ass, but I don't. I still struggle, and I don't think anyone but me realizes it. My friend came over tonight and we drank awesome hot tea and watched x-files. It was a great night and I am grateful she was here. More than she knows. I don't like being a charity case and if I let people know what is going on in my head that is what I become. I am just going to try to keep busy. Speaking of which, I am making myself start to exercise again. Perhaps with time that will help too. I don't know what else to say.
More Blogs
-
0
Sunday Sep 04, 2011
I am back, for a month. -
4
Sunday Feb 21, 2010
I really wish someone out there had all the answers and would give th… -
3
Sunday Feb 14, 2010
I know I shouldn't be, but I am sad today. What a lovely lonely day. -
1
Friday Feb 12, 2010
It is raining/snowing outside right now!! I live in pensacola FLORIDA! -
4
Saturday Feb 06, 2010
I really need to back up my computer, but i am terrible at it. So I … -
6
Saturday Jan 30, 2010
life. ugh. -
5
Friday Dec 11, 2009
I passed!! -
4
Thursday Dec 10, 2009
I think i might actually be done with school! If i passed inorganic … -
4
Monday Nov 02, 2009
http://www.photoshop.com/accounts/90b6450018774fc38a520a050da1f187/px… -
2
Saturday Oct 24, 2009
I am so tired. Well, i suppose i am full of complaints right now: …
i really cannot say much because it seems like an "inner" thing that you can only handle. way back i was labeled by a shrink as manic depessive, which means i have high highs and low lows. i'm not sure if i believed all that. i just feel i was cornered and in a bad situation. i got myself out of that situation and became comfortable and well-adjusted. my advice would be to do all that you can do to feel your best.
good luck.