schuldig

I know it's been forever since my last post. I cannot say that much has really happened. I've gone to quite a few movies, read some books, and went to the Ladies Night at Flit and Dusti's place. Work has been tough. I'm training to be a manager and it's hard. I keep making silly mistakes and the consequent reactions seem to be disproportionate to the actually mistake made. I just feel so bogged down underneath all the pressure of current and impending resonsibility. I have a long way to go in a very short time and I'm not sure often that I can do any of it. I've been quite depressed over it lately and it's apparently affected everything, including my work performance. I just wish I could not care and be strong but everytime I try I start thinking how hard it all is and I tear-up. I just don't know what to do. Everyday I go in to work wondering "What's going to happen today?" Sigh.

Maybe I'm just afraid for no reason, but the I wonder if this is perfectly natural. Am I suppose to be here, doing this? Or is there something else I'm meant to be doing? I want that fabled job that doesn't even feel like work. Something I can say I truly love all of the time, not just some of the time.

Sigh. I try so hard to be happy and I just keep falling down.