Hi. I know you are out there and just in case you are, I am hoping you read my journal one day. You are my future husband. I have been married before and it was disastrous, abusive, and nothing but a nightmare. But I am a reasonable woman and am not holding it against you. I did have some requirements for whom I shall marry to meet, but I stupidly compromised every one of them for some one who did not deserve it. I may meet you today, in 10 years, or already know you. I am in no rush, but am in no delay. When it is right, we can make that commitment. If you just want to live in sin, we could do that too.
So here they are:
1. You must be male. I am 99% sure I would like to marry a guy. I might change my mind. Prove me otherwise ladies.
2. I have no tolerance for cheaters. Please love me and be true to me. If you do it, please tell me so I can leave you.
3. Geek, nerd, dork. Please be all of those.
4. I expect you to let me do things on my own. Dont ever treat me like a damsel in distress. I can do household repairs, lift heavy things, change my oil, speak up for myself. I am not afraid to get dirty or break a nail. Sure, I like chivalry, but only because you are being polite and want to open my door, not because I am incapable. I hate women who expect men to do everything for them. And I do not believe in womens rights for that reason.
5. I want you to be able to live without me. If you can survive on your own and dont need me, you are the one for me. As I see it, someone you want to be with should not be a necessity. I want our time together to be a benefit to your life. If you cant live without me or are too dependent, maybe you should die cause you are so worthless. Or go fuck your mom. I will never be her.
6. As an extension of #5, I want you to love your family. Not enough to be creepy. Not overly involved so we cant do anything without them. And I hate mamas boys.
7. Never EVER put your hands on me violently.
8. You gotta be adventurous. I mean eating at different restaurants, trying new activities, spontaneous day trips, changing around our place, and especially living out dirty sexual fantasies. If you dont like change, that scares me. Stagnation is the root of all evil. Thats one of my favorite quotes and is in my office. Same thing all the time? Boring. That means you dont care to progress. That scares me more. Learn something every day, do something new as often as possible. Throw your routine out the window. Besides, do you really expect me to be with you if you are boring sexually? Why would you want sex to be boring for me?
9. Please have some hobbies, friends, whatever. I would think it was totally hot if you played D&D or something that was equally dorky. Go out with your friends. Do stuff. I dont want to be the focus of your life. I want you to come home to me or wait for me to come home to you.
10. Dont tell me you love me every five seconds. I wanna hear it when you mean it. I could do without the obligatory I love you on the phone too. Calling me baby is creepy.
11. My type. These are not requirements, but preferences. Like I said, I LOVE geeks. I adore unconventionally smart, well rounded people. Education is wonderful. Especially if you learn things on your own. Ambition to improve yourself, making educated statements, and being a jack of all trades is hot as anything. Smart makes me melt. And silliness. Mmmm. I love tall, thin, frail, glasses, clean, people with long hair. You dont have to fit the physical description, just its a plus.
12. I hope you can deal with me. I am soooo affectionate. Not all over you or embarrassing and disgusting. You cant do that either. I do want to have conversations across the table. I love affection and mine is all yours.
13. Please be honest. I dont care if it means we argue (constructively), just tell me what you want, are thinking, something that will hurt my feelings. Just let it out. Hiding things = lying to me. Dont bother lying. Take responsibility if you screw up, own up, lets fix it, no problem. I dont yell or get angry. I am a problem solver. I am here for you and want to help with anything. Nothing in the world could be that bad, you have my love, remember?
14. Have expectations for me. Dont be grateful to have me. I SHOULD be good to you and I will be. Promise.
15. I am a mommy. Be prepared to be second banana forever. You will never take precedence over my daughter. She is helpless, you are not. I am not leaving you out, she just comes first. In addition, you are her step parent. She has a father. He is not ideal at all, but he is still her parent. You are not a replacement. I am responsible for raising her, so nothing for you to worry about. If we have other kids, please treat her equally. They are not all your blood children, but they are mine, so why not love them all? She didnt ask for the divorce.
Thats it. Nothing crazy. It seems like a lot, but you are on my team and I want to be strong. I hope you are out there when I am ready and have some requirements for me.
Until next time,
Schoolgirl
xoxoxox
So here they are:
1. You must be male. I am 99% sure I would like to marry a guy. I might change my mind. Prove me otherwise ladies.
2. I have no tolerance for cheaters. Please love me and be true to me. If you do it, please tell me so I can leave you.
3. Geek, nerd, dork. Please be all of those.
4. I expect you to let me do things on my own. Dont ever treat me like a damsel in distress. I can do household repairs, lift heavy things, change my oil, speak up for myself. I am not afraid to get dirty or break a nail. Sure, I like chivalry, but only because you are being polite and want to open my door, not because I am incapable. I hate women who expect men to do everything for them. And I do not believe in womens rights for that reason.
5. I want you to be able to live without me. If you can survive on your own and dont need me, you are the one for me. As I see it, someone you want to be with should not be a necessity. I want our time together to be a benefit to your life. If you cant live without me or are too dependent, maybe you should die cause you are so worthless. Or go fuck your mom. I will never be her.
6. As an extension of #5, I want you to love your family. Not enough to be creepy. Not overly involved so we cant do anything without them. And I hate mamas boys.
7. Never EVER put your hands on me violently.
8. You gotta be adventurous. I mean eating at different restaurants, trying new activities, spontaneous day trips, changing around our place, and especially living out dirty sexual fantasies. If you dont like change, that scares me. Stagnation is the root of all evil. Thats one of my favorite quotes and is in my office. Same thing all the time? Boring. That means you dont care to progress. That scares me more. Learn something every day, do something new as often as possible. Throw your routine out the window. Besides, do you really expect me to be with you if you are boring sexually? Why would you want sex to be boring for me?
9. Please have some hobbies, friends, whatever. I would think it was totally hot if you played D&D or something that was equally dorky. Go out with your friends. Do stuff. I dont want to be the focus of your life. I want you to come home to me or wait for me to come home to you.
10. Dont tell me you love me every five seconds. I wanna hear it when you mean it. I could do without the obligatory I love you on the phone too. Calling me baby is creepy.
11. My type. These are not requirements, but preferences. Like I said, I LOVE geeks. I adore unconventionally smart, well rounded people. Education is wonderful. Especially if you learn things on your own. Ambition to improve yourself, making educated statements, and being a jack of all trades is hot as anything. Smart makes me melt. And silliness. Mmmm. I love tall, thin, frail, glasses, clean, people with long hair. You dont have to fit the physical description, just its a plus.
12. I hope you can deal with me. I am soooo affectionate. Not all over you or embarrassing and disgusting. You cant do that either. I do want to have conversations across the table. I love affection and mine is all yours.
13. Please be honest. I dont care if it means we argue (constructively), just tell me what you want, are thinking, something that will hurt my feelings. Just let it out. Hiding things = lying to me. Dont bother lying. Take responsibility if you screw up, own up, lets fix it, no problem. I dont yell or get angry. I am a problem solver. I am here for you and want to help with anything. Nothing in the world could be that bad, you have my love, remember?
14. Have expectations for me. Dont be grateful to have me. I SHOULD be good to you and I will be. Promise.
15. I am a mommy. Be prepared to be second banana forever. You will never take precedence over my daughter. She is helpless, you are not. I am not leaving you out, she just comes first. In addition, you are her step parent. She has a father. He is not ideal at all, but he is still her parent. You are not a replacement. I am responsible for raising her, so nothing for you to worry about. If we have other kids, please treat her equally. They are not all your blood children, but they are mine, so why not love them all? She didnt ask for the divorce.
Thats it. Nothing crazy. It seems like a lot, but you are on my team and I want to be strong. I hope you are out there when I am ready and have some requirements for me.
Until next time,
Schoolgirl
xoxoxox
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it was awesome hanging out with ya on saturday! we definitly gotta do that more often!
http://suicidegirls.com/members/DaysofMetal/245015/ <--- that should be a link to the journal entry i was tellin u about...