schoolgirl

I had a really bad day today.
Ok, here is the background....All of my friends are aware of my current situation of going through a divorce. But what you don't know is why. Presenting my condensed laundry list:
-he physically abused me.
-he stole all of my money.
-he ruined my credit on purpose by throwing out all my bills for a year so I could not move on. I trusted him and had no idea.
- I supported my family 100%. My ex didn't want to work and help support a family he hated.
-I was constantly harassed and followed everywhere I went.
-he cornered and threatened me, called me horrible names, and pushed me around.
-he always threatened to kidnap my daughter while I was at work.
-disapeared for days, weeks at a time.
-he cheated and lied and told everyone that I did.
-his licence was revoked because he felt we paid enough for insurance and it got cancelled. he was caught driving with out and cost us thousands.
-he opened up credit cards with my name and social security and charged ridiculous amounts on them, obviously with out my permission, to further sabotoge my credit.

I am not walking out of this divorce with a settlement or anything. We owned nothing. He is sticking me with 40,000$ in debts and he gets to live at home with mom and dad to play on the computer. (I hate when people make the assumption that the woman takes the guy for all he's got, so I wanted to clear that up.)

I feel those are more than good enough reasons to leave someone and get a restraining order. I am afraid of him and I was sick of it.

Let's get to the reason why I am crying so badly right now. I just don't get my parents. They were upset that I filed for divorce. They are still mad at me for not telling them. I kept his abuse to myself. What can I do? it is not easy to tell someone that last night your spouse spit in your eyes and on your glasses because you asked a question about a questionable purchase. I didn't want to tell anyone that my life was threatened because I forgot to buy him cigarettes on my way home. I could go on, but you get the point.

My parents throw in little comments regarding my divorce that tear at me. they are disappointed that my marriage did not work out even though they hated him, but they are glad that I am not being abused and taken advantage of.

I really am going to get to the point. My brother and his girlfriend announced that they are now engaged. Cool. She's an ok girl. no problem. But I found it HIGHLY UNNECESSARY for them to say things like, "If you do it the right way, things work" or "With all the bad news in this family, it's about time we heard something good" or "You gotta take marriage seriously, you can't just jump in and end up not working." I even had to hear once, "we are scared to think about getting married and it's your fault." They say crap like that to me directly and indirectly all the time. Today, it seemed a little more inapporpriate.

I did more than try. I did everything to make him happy. Probably more than I should have. I lied for him, took his abuse, hid everything from everyone, covered up, and was the best damn wife a man could have. I will never understand why he hated me so much and I don't know what I did. But I am still moving on supporting myself and my daughter will no one's help. So to hear them say that without having any idea, really destroys me.

Thanks for letting me rant and rave and be upset. Sure, I am super happy all the time, but you can't always have rainbows.

Until next time, All my love,
Schoolgirl
xoxoxo