OK. Decisions made parade under the guise of progress, but I will settle for that tonight. So, my boyfriend sucks, Hot Crush on his friend and all, and after a weekend of bullshit and thinking, I think I might be done with it all. He knows something is up. I said to him once that he was one of the most selfish and self centered people I know and that he was unlikely to change so as long as I was with him, it was a function of me accepting that. I think I'm over it. He's not gonna change. I gotta stop pretending he ever will and remind myself that the status quo is likely the best it will ever be and it sucks at that. Time to move on I guess. It makes me sad even though I'm not happy, and this makes me angry with myself and my obvious fear of change.
As for the Hot Crush, I saw him tonight for the first time in a couple weeks, since I decided that I did indeed have said crush. He's still luscious, but I wasn't too drunk, plus I was so annoyed with the BF, that no fires in my loins were lit. I did get his sister in law's cell number so that I may discuss with her down the road somewhat. I still have his email of course, so may take advantage of that in a while. I know that my problems with the BF are serious because they occupy more thoughts than the hot crush, and I am a girl who could just sit and fantasize about random shit for hours.
Interesting. Times they are a changin.
As for the Hot Crush, I saw him tonight for the first time in a couple weeks, since I decided that I did indeed have said crush. He's still luscious, but I wasn't too drunk, plus I was so annoyed with the BF, that no fires in my loins were lit. I did get his sister in law's cell number so that I may discuss with her down the road somewhat. I still have his email of course, so may take advantage of that in a while. I know that my problems with the BF are serious because they occupy more thoughts than the hot crush, and I am a girl who could just sit and fantasize about random shit for hours.
Interesting. Times they are a changin.
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"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." -- Alan Cohen; author of Chicken Soup for the Soul.
I know what you mean about knowing, but not being able to follow through. I've been there before, but at least you are aware. That's always the first step.
I'll be peeking back to see how things are going.