**Disclaimer: This is a bitter and honest entry -- Enjoy**
Okay so I acctually do have something to say,
I've noticed a lot of people complaining about themselves when they don't really have a lot to complain about. Im not gonna name names, but this is a trend that really kinda bothers me.
Im not going to say it bothers me because I think Im the only one with problems worth complaining about. But everyone seems to think less then they deserve about themselves and thats just not right. It makes me sad when people aren't realizing what they are worth and how amazing they are.
And please don't say to me that I am being hipocritical because I've complained about myself and you people (being awesome like you) seem to think a lot more of me than I do.
So Im going to give you an honest in-depth analysis of my day to day thought patterns and then you can see how much of a loser I am and how much better your life is in comparison to mine. So that whenever you complain about your lives just remember that I am here doing absolutley nothing.
So first up let me tell you that outside of the guys in my band I have no friends. No real friends at least... no one calls me up and says hey would you like to come to a party, would you like to hang out, would you like to just talk. No one. As far as the band goes its strictly band business I don't even hang out with them outside of band stuff. So I am pretty much utterly alone and thats how I feel on a day to day basis.
..because of this I think to myself that there must be something wrong with me, I mean there would have to be if no one wants anything to do with me outside of school or band or whatever. Nobody seems to really care enough to want to get to know me or want my company around them.. so there must be something wrong with me. I tell jokes and act funny to get attention and during classes and stuff I get some of that attention people notice me then and then when its over they don't. So then I understand that maybe its not my personality and I spend a good while in front of the mirror trying to find something wrong with my face to explain this... and when I can't find anything I punish myself mentally for being too vain and narcissistic which may in turn be the problem. I am just utterly confused why no one wants anything to do with me.
I have no girlfriend because the girls Im interested in tend to only be interested in one type of guy and big surprise I am not that. It frustrates me to no end because Im either going to end up alone or with someone who I have no interest in. Don't get me wrong there are girls that have shown interest... girls who are annoying, needy, and don't really do anything for me physically.. Im not a pig but I do want to be physically attracted to someone if Im going to be in a relationship with them. There are two guys in my classes that get all the female attention. Not surprisingly in some sort of tragic comedy they are my class friends. I hang out with them at school.. and the girls come to them, they talk to them, enjoy their company, and there I am throwing out jokes getting laughs but really only feeling like they are being polite to me and that I am not someone they really want to talk to. There are even girls who are obvious about it. I respect them for their honesty but I hate them.. I absolutley hate them because they can't show me the decency to say hi or to even look at me because they think they are sooo hot and I am just Robin to these other two guys' batman. That I am so worthless to them that I don't even exist. Oh and let me not forget to say that all the girls I've me that I've been interested in and told them that I am interested in have told me that I am utterly undatable because my personailty is too confusing, negative, anti-social etc.
In a nutshell I am so utterly confused about myself because I see so much in me when I try and look at myelf from the outside in. Im good looking, intelligent, charming, funny, somewhat charismatic ... but yet it all seems to add up to nothing for me.. but for other people it adds up to the world. So Im wondering why it all works for them but for me it doesn't.
and its worthless to tell me to be more sociable and to start going up to people I don't know and start hitting on them, I have social anxiety problems .. severe ones around girls I don't know and small ones around ones Im interested in ..especially when I find out they are not interested in me. As bad as it sounds I loose almost all interest in being friendly around a girl I was interested in when I find out they are not interested in me at all. Around people that I see a lot of me reflected in them but they are having good luck its the same thing I have major social anxiety around them too. I start to pound myself in my head about how pathetic I am because I can't make all this work and yet they can. It sometimes just makes me sad being around people in general.
So here I am, lonely, unnatractive, and angry... I have also proven those facts so you can't really try to convince me otherwise because in all honesty I don't know most of you personally and although I do appreciate your comments and compliments they don't register when I have to go through a day to day basis of being ignored and shoved aside by the people I come into contact with.
and everywhere I go (In the real world, not the online world) the beautiful people segregate themselves from me, like that scene in Trainspotting where hes in the club by himself and no one wants to dance with him. Thats my life almost except I don't leave with a minor at the end of the night. So why should I feel beautiful when beautiful people don't want to be around me. Because I see nice facial features in the mirror... I must be the only one.
So there you have it. For those of you complaining about your lives... please don't or at least know that my state right now has got to be more saddening than yours.
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On a lighter note Drive Thru Divinity has another show on the18th of December so we are playing two sundays back to back ... I don't know where the other show is.. but if you are in my part of the world and know what I mean when I say Moes Tavern on Dundas St. Then come out on the 12th and come see the show then.
peace, love and soul
Scattershot
Music: Underoath - They're Only Chasing Safety
Mood: I apologize for my bitterness. I think Im starting to fall apart.
Okay so I acctually do have something to say,
I've noticed a lot of people complaining about themselves when they don't really have a lot to complain about. Im not gonna name names, but this is a trend that really kinda bothers me.
Im not going to say it bothers me because I think Im the only one with problems worth complaining about. But everyone seems to think less then they deserve about themselves and thats just not right. It makes me sad when people aren't realizing what they are worth and how amazing they are.
And please don't say to me that I am being hipocritical because I've complained about myself and you people (being awesome like you) seem to think a lot more of me than I do.
So Im going to give you an honest in-depth analysis of my day to day thought patterns and then you can see how much of a loser I am and how much better your life is in comparison to mine. So that whenever you complain about your lives just remember that I am here doing absolutley nothing.
So first up let me tell you that outside of the guys in my band I have no friends. No real friends at least... no one calls me up and says hey would you like to come to a party, would you like to hang out, would you like to just talk. No one. As far as the band goes its strictly band business I don't even hang out with them outside of band stuff. So I am pretty much utterly alone and thats how I feel on a day to day basis.
..because of this I think to myself that there must be something wrong with me, I mean there would have to be if no one wants anything to do with me outside of school or band or whatever. Nobody seems to really care enough to want to get to know me or want my company around them.. so there must be something wrong with me. I tell jokes and act funny to get attention and during classes and stuff I get some of that attention people notice me then and then when its over they don't. So then I understand that maybe its not my personality and I spend a good while in front of the mirror trying to find something wrong with my face to explain this... and when I can't find anything I punish myself mentally for being too vain and narcissistic which may in turn be the problem. I am just utterly confused why no one wants anything to do with me.
I have no girlfriend because the girls Im interested in tend to only be interested in one type of guy and big surprise I am not that. It frustrates me to no end because Im either going to end up alone or with someone who I have no interest in. Don't get me wrong there are girls that have shown interest... girls who are annoying, needy, and don't really do anything for me physically.. Im not a pig but I do want to be physically attracted to someone if Im going to be in a relationship with them. There are two guys in my classes that get all the female attention. Not surprisingly in some sort of tragic comedy they are my class friends. I hang out with them at school.. and the girls come to them, they talk to them, enjoy their company, and there I am throwing out jokes getting laughs but really only feeling like they are being polite to me and that I am not someone they really want to talk to. There are even girls who are obvious about it. I respect them for their honesty but I hate them.. I absolutley hate them because they can't show me the decency to say hi or to even look at me because they think they are sooo hot and I am just Robin to these other two guys' batman. That I am so worthless to them that I don't even exist. Oh and let me not forget to say that all the girls I've me that I've been interested in and told them that I am interested in have told me that I am utterly undatable because my personailty is too confusing, negative, anti-social etc.
In a nutshell I am so utterly confused about myself because I see so much in me when I try and look at myelf from the outside in. Im good looking, intelligent, charming, funny, somewhat charismatic ... but yet it all seems to add up to nothing for me.. but for other people it adds up to the world. So Im wondering why it all works for them but for me it doesn't.
and its worthless to tell me to be more sociable and to start going up to people I don't know and start hitting on them, I have social anxiety problems .. severe ones around girls I don't know and small ones around ones Im interested in ..especially when I find out they are not interested in me. As bad as it sounds I loose almost all interest in being friendly around a girl I was interested in when I find out they are not interested in me at all. Around people that I see a lot of me reflected in them but they are having good luck its the same thing I have major social anxiety around them too. I start to pound myself in my head about how pathetic I am because I can't make all this work and yet they can. It sometimes just makes me sad being around people in general.
So here I am, lonely, unnatractive, and angry... I have also proven those facts so you can't really try to convince me otherwise because in all honesty I don't know most of you personally and although I do appreciate your comments and compliments they don't register when I have to go through a day to day basis of being ignored and shoved aside by the people I come into contact with.
and everywhere I go (In the real world, not the online world) the beautiful people segregate themselves from me, like that scene in Trainspotting where hes in the club by himself and no one wants to dance with him. Thats my life almost except I don't leave with a minor at the end of the night. So why should I feel beautiful when beautiful people don't want to be around me. Because I see nice facial features in the mirror... I must be the only one.
So there you have it. For those of you complaining about your lives... please don't or at least know that my state right now has got to be more saddening than yours.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
On a lighter note Drive Thru Divinity has another show on the18th of December so we are playing two sundays back to back ... I don't know where the other show is.. but if you are in my part of the world and know what I mean when I say Moes Tavern on Dundas St. Then come out on the 12th and come see the show then.
peace, love and soul
Scattershot
Music: Underoath - They're Only Chasing Safety
Mood: I apologize for my bitterness. I think Im starting to fall apart.
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