Today I woke up to nothing, thought about staying in bed to avoid the nothing.
moved from one nothing to another nothing and was slightly entertained only to find it end and move onto more..nothing.
am I too introverted
I took drugs to enhance my nothing and me and two other "friends" (I use the term loosely because once this semester ends I'll never see them again) moved through more and more nothing.
yes my friends it was a day of nothing. You might say Im being a little too dramatic because Im high ... but for gods sake I found the core of my unwellness.. the cause of my restlesness and the center of my unrest ... that I am wallowing through nothing only to carry on to the next nothing.
Maybe thats why I need a girlfriend...someone to support me through this nothing or carry me away to something... something interesting, something interesting that will still be interesting the next morning.
everyday just nothing .. a few interactions here and there and then back to nothing and lay down in my bed to dream of something only to wake up to more and more nothing.
I am such a drama queen.. right. Thats what people might say about me.
Today I treated comments in my SG journal as gold because they were my most important aspects of human interaction.
I got so much more going on in my head right now, but I can't put it onto paper. Im just watching a movie right now and typing and letting anything come out that wants to.
I can't even figure out who I am..........................................
......................... ............... ................ Sorry I had to pause there at the signifigance of that. I mean on one side I am this big giant downer.... this depressing, upset, angry loner who just wants to be left alone to entertain himself because Im so disenfranchised with everyone around me, but on the other side I want everyone around me to like me... because what else is there. what else is there but human interaction and feeling liked by others. The world would feel a lot less like home if I acctually did drift through it quietly... I know that no one would take interest in me if I just quietly did my own thing because I've seen it. I've seen people with apathy and not caring about someone. On the other side I want everyone to like me and I want everyone to be happy. I want to make them laugh and be entertaining. I take joy in entertaining others, telling jokes, being funny. Funny and dramatic .. thats all I got to tell people about myself.
Should be enough but odlly its not. I may be funny but Im not fun. I may be dramatic but my life isn't full of drama
and here we go back to nothing. A bit of interesting to keep me occupied and then back to ..nothing. Im gonna go to bed after this movie and wake up to nothing.
Maybe Im just thinking too much because Im high.
c-ya. Its been fun.
moved from one nothing to another nothing and was slightly entertained only to find it end and move onto more..nothing.
am I too introverted
I took drugs to enhance my nothing and me and two other "friends" (I use the term loosely because once this semester ends I'll never see them again) moved through more and more nothing.
yes my friends it was a day of nothing. You might say Im being a little too dramatic because Im high ... but for gods sake I found the core of my unwellness.. the cause of my restlesness and the center of my unrest ... that I am wallowing through nothing only to carry on to the next nothing.
Maybe thats why I need a girlfriend...someone to support me through this nothing or carry me away to something... something interesting, something interesting that will still be interesting the next morning.
everyday just nothing .. a few interactions here and there and then back to nothing and lay down in my bed to dream of something only to wake up to more and more nothing.
I am such a drama queen.. right. Thats what people might say about me.
Today I treated comments in my SG journal as gold because they were my most important aspects of human interaction.
I got so much more going on in my head right now, but I can't put it onto paper. Im just watching a movie right now and typing and letting anything come out that wants to.
I can't even figure out who I am..........................................
......................... ............... ................ Sorry I had to pause there at the signifigance of that. I mean on one side I am this big giant downer.... this depressing, upset, angry loner who just wants to be left alone to entertain himself because Im so disenfranchised with everyone around me, but on the other side I want everyone around me to like me... because what else is there. what else is there but human interaction and feeling liked by others. The world would feel a lot less like home if I acctually did drift through it quietly... I know that no one would take interest in me if I just quietly did my own thing because I've seen it. I've seen people with apathy and not caring about someone. On the other side I want everyone to like me and I want everyone to be happy. I want to make them laugh and be entertaining. I take joy in entertaining others, telling jokes, being funny. Funny and dramatic .. thats all I got to tell people about myself.
Should be enough but odlly its not. I may be funny but Im not fun. I may be dramatic but my life isn't full of drama
and here we go back to nothing. A bit of interesting to keep me occupied and then back to ..nothing. Im gonna go to bed after this movie and wake up to nothing.
Maybe Im just thinking too much because Im high.
c-ya. Its been fun.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
you can not depend on some girl to come into your life and make something of it for you... you have to do it on your own. and you can't let the lack of a girlfriend bog you down and rule your emotions. being single is rad... you get to do whatever you want. whenever you want. you can make out with girl a, b, c and/or d, to your liking and not have to answer to any of them when they question you about it..
when you have figured out who you are, then the women... they will be lined up for miles and miles.. cause there's nothing like a man who knows who he is and what he wants and is going for it...
now... why weren't you doing said drugs with me??!?!?!
I smell food in my house and it makes me insane with hunger. I should probably get around to studying for tests instead of sitting here writing this comment.
Blah.
Drugs =
Well, happy Halloween I spose. I'm outta here.